Fransen & Trump: A most undiplomatic incident by Landlord

Trump Fransen tweets shame.pngI was going to write my annual piss take with some Landlord friends of mine along the lines of I’m a racist cockwomble get me out of here. Instead with the diplomatic incident caused by Screechy and cohorts I thought I’d talk about that instead.

The media whores that are biffer high command think they have done it and have thrust themselves into the limelight. Questions in the House, multiple press interviews and a spokeswoman saying butt out. The reason, well, the Orange shitgibbon that calls himself president retweeted three of Screechy’s videos and now high command are wanking over the thought of all this publicity.

But far from leaving the team here at EBF banging our collective heads against the desk and giving up, as the dust settles and Screechy putting Biffer heads above the parapet it seems to have backfired spectacularly.

Biffer HQ have said they have been inundated with new members, probably from the US to rip off however a few extra Facebook likes and twitter follows are more likely the truth.

Fransen on the telly

The media reports have been to a letter uncomplimentary even Brietfart and the Heil being disparaging, those interviews I’ve seen show Screechy running out when questioned closely, the trigger question…”have you actually spoken to the Orange Shitgibbon?” They proclaimed victory over the odious and right wing LBC radio host Nick Ferrari when all I could hear was that she couldn’t answer any question he asked. They’ve even call Nigel Fartage a lefty now showing how far right they think they are. So the press ain’t helping them.

The questions in the House of Commons showed how much our elected officials think of the biffers. Although they had to be careful what they said so as not to prejudice future court cases.

Then along comes the sting in the tail, Screechy put their head above the parapet again and the press were ready. We’ve known about certain allegations for some time now, choosing not to say anything until they were substantiated. Goldibollocks is under investigation not for the size of his appendage but for a sexual assault. We understand that the investigation is ongoing but he, this paragon of Christian virtues, someone who confronts alleged wrongdoers (not bravely but with his shittroopers in tow) is now under investigation for the very thing he supposedly hates.

The press have also confirmed they are a group and no longer a “legitimate” political party. They failed to pay the £25 registration fee in time (must have spent it all on their jaunt round Europe). So now on their days of handing out the disgusting racist pamphlets on the streets one assumes they will be seeking council permission to do so.

The press have now intimated more forcefully than we could, the closeness between the biffers and the killer of Jo Cox and they’ve also shown two of the three videos retweeted by the cuntspangle in the White House to be bollocks.

So as the High Command prepare for their phone box racism (or conference as they like to call it) the biffers are starting to implode thanks to the white supremacist in charge of the western world, the two Fuehrers are on bail, Goldibollocks is being investigated for a sexual assault and the begging letters continue. There’s a hell of a lot more for us to raise our glasses to rather than bruise our heads on our desks.

Oh and Screechy, what time is your new bestie landing and getting off Air Force One to share a Vol au Vent?

Toodlepip

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Just another crazy American

EBF Trump crazy AmericanI was out having coffee with an old friend from my hometown when the news broke. We were sitting in a swanky coffee shop making adoring noises in the general direction of our new humans (her delightful little treasure is a month or two older than mine) when our mutual admiration fest was interrupted by mobile phone alerts. My old friend was first to comment.

“OMG! Trump’s been retweeting Britain First! You’re something to do with EBF aren’t you?”

I almost fell off my chair. Not only did I not know she’d heard of EBF, I definitely didn’t know she knew I was involved.

“Yes,” I replied, taken aback.

“I’m EBF Blogger”

“I knew it!” She exclaimed. “I knew that was you. I can tell your style of writing a mile away!”

My friend and I had gone right through school together. We almost always sat next to each other and even met in each other’s houses to do homework. We really were the geeky girls of the class. So it stands to reason that if anyone would know my writing style, she would.

“So?” She inquired. “What do you make of that?”

“Just another crazy American who thinks they understand British society.” I said.

“Most of Britain First’s followers are either paid-for clickfarm likes or foreigners. The American Christian right wing has always been keen on slagging off non-Christians so BF’s anti-Muslim, anti-brown agenda appeals to them.”

My friend stared blankly back at me, clearly surprised that I didn’t see this ‘shot in the arm’ for the Biffers as a problem.

“It’s no big deal.” I said. “Britain First has lost all credibility in UK. British people took a while to see them for what they are but now everybody who cares to look knows that they’re a bunch of far-right bigots. They can get American Facebook support if they want but that won’t help them in this country. If they get a few American donors… IF that happens they’ll just squander the money on European holidays and fines for public order offences anyway.”

“So you’re not worried that the President of the free world just endorsed them?”

“The president of what? I didn’t vote in that election. He’s president of America – nowhere else. And anyway – even the Yanks want shot of him!”

My friend smiled and sat back in her overly stuffed comfy chair.

“Just another crazy American, then.” She said, wiping the second most adorable little baby face in the world.

A view from a barstool 50 by Landlord

Beer 2I love how my autocorrect suggests potatoes instead of Patriots…

So as the dust settles on the biffer soap opera, here in the office the BBC bleep machine would be going into overtime censoring the admins as we digest the news that Screechy and Goldibollocks have managed to walk away from court and the sheeple that follow them have declared victory over the commie cops and judiciary.

But what exactly have they won, as sure as the clocks go back each year a begging email comes out asking for twelvty million paaaands (or £25k in anybody else’s parlance) and the racist cockwombles lap it up. Could this be the last payment to the gruesome twosome, a sort of pension as the biffers implode, or the first of many such emails to string out their so-called political careers.

Over the last few weeks the feuhrers have had a holiday in Lanzarote and met some meaningless potatoes across Europe sticking two fingers up at the law they insist Muslims abide by.

So is there evidence of the biffers imploding, finally giving EBF followers what we’ve been working for for years well yes……..and no and here’s my view.

1. The high command appear to have been frozen out, Lewis, Lomax and the others in the bunker were overlooked for the jaunt in favour of head potato Andrew Edge. Andrew is ex EDL and not a nice chap. He was convicted of assault on police at an EDL rally in Birmingham and spent time inside, he also took part in a hunger strike outside Rotherham Police Station. I say hunger strike, sandwiches, kebabs and Stella didn’t count as food in his eyes. I would place a small wager that Screechy and Goldibollocks do not particularly like Edge but that he is being kept close to stop further charges that Goldibollocks doesn’t want out.

2. There is a real chance that our heroes will go down for the charges they face. For those of you living in a bubble it appears they attempted to harass the accused in a rape trial almost causing a mistrial, harassed people who had moved into one of the accused house and frightened them so much as they published the address. The accused were rightly found guilty and sentenced in accordance with the law Screechy and Goldibollocks hold in such contempt. Given their previous surely jail time can’t be far away. They have pled not guilty to these charges although their wonderful videos seem to have provided the evidence required to prosecute them.

3. The new allegations. We deliberately have kept quiet about these as we are still unable to substantiate them, apart from the cowardly assault by Goldibollocks on a fellow Biffer, something he has pled guilty to. Some fairly big and nasty people seem to have it in for Der Fuehrer and there seems to be evidence of this as the leaders left court furtively looking around and wanting to get the hell out of dodge, they had no black shirts surrounding them(see point one)

4. They appear to be trying desperately to shore up some more support from their dwindling numbers of potatoes on the ground, from Jean Marie Le Penn’s fascist group in France who gave Edge a €5 keyring (made up to be a medal of honour) to other fascist groups across Europe. Screechy also appears to have waded in on Edge’s pet project, the Justice for Chelsey campaign that other hideous fash seem to have taken over. Now we don’t know what happened here but the Northumberland police and the CPS dropped the case after inconsistencies in statements were found, no DNA and no cctv evidence were found. But as sure as night is day Screechy turned up and the fuehrers seem to be trying to recruit.

5. Against them being jailed is just one thing. Speaking to various professionals in the legal field, police and judiciary the recent abscondment across Europe should have been enough to have them remanded in custody the fact they walked free, however temporarily, has the office in near apoplectic shock. Are they grasses?? Do the police just want them clear so as not to make martyrs of them or are the magistrates just stupid beyond belief to believe the bovine excretia coming from their mouths. What is different from before is they haven’t banged on about their bail conditions this time and we wonder if they are slightly more draconian than before.

Now I’ve been forced to watch their recent videos, and most(all) of the things they state are total lies. The good potatoes of this country said riot police with shields went into the demo to arrest Jayda, that they pushed old women to the floor, a dog got choked. We have checked and nothing like this happened. What you can be sure of is that the publicity whore that Screechy is was aware she would be arrested and did it to increase tensions.

So I wouldn’t go back to just posting pictures of your dinners and fluffy cats just yet as the fight continues, this pleases our local supermarket as their sales of hobnobs and coffee would drop off hugely, and I will still be forced to watch their videos. Although why I have to do this in the pub as my locals think I am a drunken bum with Tourette’s. In actual fact I think we shall have to make up a new malady…….Biffer Tourette’s, there is no cure just hobnobs, Hobgoblin and coffee.

Toodlepip

View from a barstool #44 by Landlord

Beer 2As 2017 comes in and we can at least bid a non-fond farewell to 2016 I was wondering just what this new year had in store for a grumpy, lefty, Muslim apologist landlord. I’ve had a look back at the year just gone, one in which it seems you can bomb the fuck out of somewhere, killing children, and a year that seems to justify fascism.

In Syria bombs continue to rain down on Aleppo, killing indiscriminately. Now I have an admission to make… I’m not particularly up on who’s doing what, where over there. I just can’t stand the fact that a whole bunch of innocent people are being killed by the west, Russia, their own government, Daesh and lack of food. The Biffer trolls’ favourite saying is “they should stay and fight” but fight whom, with what? Should they shoot the odd (not so) smart bomb with catapults?

Brexit has seemed to galvanise the right into thinking bigotry and abuse of anyone slightly off white is acceptable. Twitter and Facebook is awash with so-called celebrities writing statements that over a year ago would have seen them hauled over the coals. It seems that it’s ok to go up to foreign looking chappies and chappesses and tell them to “Fuck off home” even though their home is here. It seems ok to invade places of worship because their god is different to yours. It seems ok to racially abuse people in the street, all because a non-binding referendum seemed to say we hate foreigners.

Brexit send them back T shirt   Walsall halal butcher arson petrol bomb brexit

Well Katie Fucking Hopkins you failed at business, you failed at being a celebrity and you will fail at your pathetic attempts to shock. You see we laugh at you. I don’t care how you voted, as long as the reason wasn’t racial.

2016 also saw the deaths of many celebrities. Now call me a grumpy cuntspangle but I don’t see anyone as better than us, my television is limited to Sky Sports and peppa pig. I’m also someone who as a bar manager at Thorpe Park barred Katy Jordan (or something) as I really didn’t “know who I am” when she screamed at me. However during my formative years I did listen to a lot of Status Quo, a bit of Bowie, read a lot of Richard Adams and loved Star Wars so I am sorry they lost their lives. I also say RIP to all those who lost their lives in senseless wars, so called terrorist attacks or anything else.

The Americans have also managed to get the rest of the world united in a collective facepalm as they voted in a racist buffoon who is both financially and morally bankrupt. Us ‘lefteyes’ better run for cover… fuckwit is coming to town.

And now my favourite part of 2016, the beginning of the end of Bifferdom. They crave publicity and money. They want to be a “legitimate” political party who make all others quake in their boots. They want to outlaw a religion, not as they tell it but because it makes them money. What sort of year have they had? Well it’s been brilliant.

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They’ve got a new camera, Screechy appears to have increased by a cupsize or two, Goldibollocks and Stevie’s waistline seems to have expanded. The two leaders have criminal records, Goldibollocks being interned at her majesty’s pleasure for ignoring a High court injunction and Screechy for bullying a young Muslim lady. They failed to make any inroads in politics. Screechy, Goldibollocks and his mum/family failed even to make a blip on the BBC’S colour chart in the mayoral election. Their conferences and road shows were supported by the same 20 followers, despite having twelvty million likes on Facebook. So the Biffers were a failure too.

As I look now to 2017 what can I expect. Well probably more of the same. Although teetering on the edge of annihilation whilst there is still money to con, the Biffer High command will continue to talk bollocks and fail in almost everything they do. Hopkins will continue to talk shit and no one will listen. Trump will bankrupt the US and the West will continue senseless bombing of countries that might have oil, or pipelines owned in part by media moguls.

170101-nye-london-celebration

But there is something I saw over the recent festivities, a coming together of all faiths (and none) sticking the proverbial two fingers up at Trump, Fartage, Daesh, Bifferdom, Hopkins et al. The left, centre and centre right all beginning, to use a movie quote to “be excellent to each other”. You see we, the normal non-bigoted people are fed up of all this cuntwaffle from the Nazi far right and have had just as much as we can take.

So I’m not giving up smoking, drinking or meat. My resolution is to be excellent to all. Apart from Biffers they can fuck off.

Toodlepip

A view from a barstool #43 by Landlord

christmas-beerI have to admit that I was finding it pretty difficult to work out what to write this week, I mean just how much regurgitated shit can you manage to read or hear before getting writers block, until the Christmas present that was the incarceration of Der Fuhrer, so here it is, my take on the best and funniest news we at EBF have had all year.

Goldibollocks, you see, like the rest of his High Command think they are above the law, that when they are arrested, interviewed or confronted by the police that this is a plot by the establishment to silence them and the twelvty million supporters they purport to have. Well Goldibollocks, well Screechy, well shittroopers I have news for you, it’s not. The reason you are harassed, arrested,bailed or confronted is because it’s against the law.

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Now it’s hard not to laugh at them, I know believe me, but trying to be serious for just one paragraph this is a quick résumé of what Goldibollocks did to get banged up. Earlier this year, to great fanfare and video on their page Goldibollocks, Screechy and the shittroopers visited Bury Park in Luton for a Christian patrol. Screechy went batshit crazy and verbally assaulted a young Muslim woman whilst bravely surrounded by the shittroopers and quite rightly Bedfordshire police got miffed about it. Screechy and Goldibollocks were bailed with certain stringent conditions. One of which was not to go into a mosque in the British isles without written permission. When it was time to come to court he played a blinder pled guilty and got a criminal record, Screechy was also hauled up and also got convicted of her part in the Bury Park fiasco. One thing remained though……..no more mosque invasions.

bf-ebf-fransen-golding-luton-courtWhilst Screechy was out of the picture Goldibollocks and some pretty unsavoury activists went to Cardiff and entered a mosque without prior written consent, Goldibollocks says he didn’t go in but he was definitely the unhinged mastermind behind it. Thinking they had got away with it how they laughed. However behind the scenes the authorities decided that bending over and being fisted by the biffers on a weekly basis was pissing them off and hatched a cunning plan. Fast forward to Screechy’s trial and the announcement that Goldibollocks was to be charged for contempt of court. After much hissing and screaming at the establishment Goldibollocks relinquished control of Bifferdom to spend more time with his family. The more cynical amongst us knew this was a blinding legal move on his behalf as he could say he no longer had control.

On Thursday he went to court played a blinder, pled guilty and expected a slap on the wrist. Naughty boy Paul but as we’re so frightened of your online masses and your plethora of MPS, MEPs and councillors we’ll let you out just don’t do it again, was what he, his legal team and the biffer High command thought would happen. By all accounts his bottom lip trembled as he was told you’re going down for eight weeks, 4 suspended. You see Screechy, Goldibollocks and the rest of your tacky insignificant crew people get fucked off with being constantly disobeyed and you went too far.

Now we could go over the top and take the piss more, we could ask that he’s banged up with Muslims, or someone who calls him Pauline, but the others have too much class for that. Instead I’d like him to spend the 4 weeks in solitude, snivelling like the cowardly fuck he is. He won’t have his shittroopers there, no one to hold his hand if someone says something nasty to him.

EBF BF Golding prison crime policy.jpg

I hope prison will break him, make him scared shitless, I hope that he’ll come out chastened by the experience, but I doubt it. In fact if you read comments from biffer towers you’ll see the twats are out and Screechy wants money to appeal. Appeal, fuck off you conning bunch of fucking arseholes. He pled guilty end of.
One of the comments I loved was,

“I bet if it was a Muslim he’d be free.”

To which one of our regulars wrote

“Hmmm, like Choudary.”

So what next for the biffers? Well Screechy will continue with her soapbox, spouting all sorts of absolute garbage, Stevie will continue his one man assault on Gregg’s, the shittroopers will continue to look as menacing as my little ponies and in 4 weeks time a fucked up Goldibollocks will emerge to the waiting throng of twelvty million press and sign a multi million pound deal with Brietbart to screen his life story. In all honesty, we just don’t know. One thing we are sure about is that this will lead to some more conning, a huge amount of racist and religious bigotry and Screechy screeching.

One more thing you can be sure of, once the offices collective hangover goes we’ll be there to fuck them up, we’ll be there to highlight their lies, we’ll be there to highlight their bigotry, we’ll be there to counter their get togethers and we’ll be there to highlight their cons.

But for this weekend I’m getting pissed, and staying pissed. Maybe, just maybe this will curtail their activities and that is something to raise a glass of Babysham to over the Xmas break. Now if you’ll forgive me I’ve got an unopened bottle of expensive Valpollicello to uncork and toast His Honour Judge Moloney for having the bollocks to stand up to the bully.

Toodlepip

View from a barstool #42 by Landlord

Beer 2Pahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaha. They say something’s are constant in the world, like drinking to much over the festivities, the Queens speech, Nigel Fartage spouting crap and now the biffers latest begging bowl email which has me reaching for the Tena Man.
It seems to me they’ve been told by Uncle Jim’s travel agent that the cost of their Christmas holiday has increased due to their beloved Brexit. Maybe their disciples haven’t bunged enough money their way for a free management computer system and an overpriced camera.  So they fall back on old faithful and come up with an old favourite, not for Goldibollocks’ court case, it’s almost a dead cert he’ll play a blinder and plead guilty, but because the government MAY want to proscribe them and they have to have the cash just in case, Guvnor.
Now forgive a grumpy cynical Landlord but fuck off biffers! I know we here in EBF land, or ‘sanity’ as I call it, laugh at your pathetic attempts at marches, your lack of support at your days of (in)action and your tacky, racist shares from fake right wing media outlets. We snigger at your assertion that you are a legitimate political party sending shockwaves through the political elite despite your current councillors, MP’s and MEP’s totalling a big fat zero. We all know you’re a party who is laughed at in the main stream media so please don’t insult our intelligence in the same way you insult the intelligence of your followers.
theresa-may-8The government won’t proscribe you, however unfortunate that may be. They find you as irritating as dog shit on the bottom of their shoe but they really don’t see any need to take you seriously. The right wing groups they will go after are the ones that are really dedicated to violence and want to cause deaths. They’ll go after alliancess like National Action and a few of The infidel groups., not your mob of conmen Walt’s and foreign supporters. You can just about muster enough followers to take over my front room let alone anything else.
How your supporters still manage to accept everything you say is beyond me. Have your muslamic ray guns been set to stupid? The bacofoil you send out must have hallucinogenic drugs in it. From comments we’ve been sent by Moley from ex members of your high command they’ve admitted that it’s all about the money and very little else. There again a significant percentage of your support does come from the US of A and they voted in a conman too so nuff said. To close you down would be simple, send trading standards and the taxman round and you’d be gone without the government making matyrs out of you.
I see our ‘favourite’, please read that as ‘cuntspangle‘, racist has had his sentence increased, this time for racial harassment of a MP. When we in the office read the judge’s summing up we all looked at each other and wished the judge had been sitting at Screechy’s trial. I think she would have been well and truly fucked.
joshua-bonehill-aine-guilty-harrassing-mpFinally the rise of the far right seems to have been checked for now, Hofer in Austria lost, citing Fartage as the problem, Geert Wilders found guilty in Holland but surprisingly not sentenced to anything (musht have been thosh shpeshel shiggerettes) and Uncle Jim and his pet racist, Griffin trying to fight KTI’s corner so badly that even Hitler’s mouthpiece The Daily Fail had a go at them.
All in all then a weird week. The wife has realised my mirth is to do with the biffers. Their desperation is showing signs of trying to fleece as much as they can before flouncing off to Hungary. Bonehill is banged up for longer and will have some stringent conditions if he comes out, Goldibollocks is going down, Fartage is fucking off because he’s poor and my Christmas ale has arrived this year in time for Christmas. Have a good week.
Toodlepip
christmas-beer

I saw the news today… Oh boy!

It seems that there’s another horror story, another scandal, another illustration of inhumanity every day. The front pages of our daily newspapers are replete with stories, some true and some ‘post-truth’ (AKA outright lies), often with lengthy accompanying editorials telling us what to think, what to believe and crucially… who to hate.

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Sometimes it’s really easy for news outlets. Editors pick and choose the targets of their righteous anger according to simple protocols depending upon their paper’s particular bias. The well-known algorithm of ‘if brown – terrorist’ and ‘if white – mentally ill loner’ is both obvious and depressingly common. For those of us who follow the ridiculously partisan pronouncements of far-right neoNazi groups like Britain First the ammunition these superficial and formulaic headlines and editorials provide for right wing ‘post-truthers’ like the Biffers is a source of continual irritation.

Britain First’s social media outlets (of which there are many) are stuffed with generalisations about all Muslims based upon a minority of paedophiles or Islamic terror groups who are far more likely to murder other Muslims than anyone else, so unpopular are they within the wider Islamic world.  None the less, international terrorism remains a favourite propaganda topic for the Biffers.

The other really big propaganda bonanza for Britain First is paedophilia. They just love the opportunity to expose paedophiles from the Muslim or immigrant communities. The browner the skin the greater the offence, it seems. The more Islamic the name the greater the likelihood that it’s a paedophile ring (even when there’s absolutely no evidence of any such clandestine group). Britain First claims to hate Muslims because it hates paedophiles. They would have you believe that their outrage at paedophilia came first and they only focus upon Muslims because Muslims do all the interfering with children. Really? Well, in that case…

ebf-football-paedophile-ringWhat will they make of this?

Will the Biffers be organising demonstrations outside Leeds FC? Can we expect to see Dutchy Fransen giving impassioned speeches about the evils of Football outside Blackpool’s Bloomfield Road ground or harassing the other 53 British clubs with large Biffer-banners demanding “No more football”? After all, you can’t get much more organised than a paedophile ring that draws its victims from 55 established UK football clubs, can you? That’s 55 local organisations spread throughout the country, each with a youth wing and legitimate reasons to expect children to undress and shower together in the company of perverted adult youth leaders.

We look forward to seeing the reception that half a dozen sad Biffers get when they confront the fans of a large city football club with the accusation that “They’re all the same”.

So come on Dutchy. You might as well. After all you’re banned from entering British Mosques. Let’s see how you get on with this truly massive example of organised child exploitation. If it’s really the kids you care about (and not skin colour or religion) there shouldn’t be any reason to avoid taking on the FA. We suggest you begin with Chelsea. That way you won’t even have to cross the M25 to make your heroic point about the dangers of organised paedophilia. Or maybe you could go to Sunderland – we’re sure you’d be most welcome up there.

We can see it now. A handful of brave Bifferati descending upon Sunderland’s ‘Stadium of light’, waving their banners and flags to the timeless mantras…

“No more football!”

“Ban the Penalty shoot-out!”

“It could be anyone in that Director’s box!”

EBF BF No more footballers.png