A view from the cellar 8

Landlord in cellarOnce again apologies for my lack of blog over the weekend, the family are away and a weeks bachelorhood has caught up with me.

Apologies are due as well to the biffers, we never thought they’d do it but they have, Goldibollocks has reached the required funds for the mayoral campaign, and his family and Screechy have made it onto the list as candidates for the London Assembly. So now the hard work begins for us…hassle and expose them at every turn. The great thing is they will be going head to head with skilled debaters, career politicians and interviewers who won’t take the blatant lies they come out with (if they get interviewed at all.) The Fuhrer-bunker seems to think that their brand of islamaphobic tosh will be lapped up by white Londoners all over the capital.

Here’s my take on a possible interview with Jezza Paxman…

  1. JP. Welcome to Paul Goldibollocks and Screechy Fransen who have become leading contenders in the race for mayor and London assembly.
  2. GS. Thanks Jeremy, Can I just say that there will be no more mosques in London and the current ones pulled down so we can build more churches.
  3. JP. Thanks for that. I need to ask what you will do with the £17 billion budget that you will have once you take up the role.
  4. GS. We will make sure that Greggs are on every corner of every street, our mate Stevey Lewis then can walk about with our shittroopers making sure that anyone wearing a burka will be made to change into revealing get up. Then we will build a wall round London, kick the immigrants out and keep London for the white English.
  5. JP. Controversial stuff, what about policing, health care, social housing, lighting and all the other things that are needed.
  6. GS. Well there will be no need for police as when all the immigrants go there will be no crime, my private security team will make sure of that. Health care will be fine as the muzzies will no longer take up any time, lighting is no problem as the sun shines out of screechys arse. We’ll have around 16 billion to spend on Screechy’s tits and holidays. Also we can repay Uncle Jim.
  7. JP. So Screechy what about you what are your first few days in office going to be like?
  8. No more mosques, ban the burka, god is great, prayers for everyone, bloody muzzies?
  9. JP. So what about the…..
  10. GS. Stop bullying us, we’ve told you with no muzzies, no burkas and no mosques and all will be sweet.
  11. JP. but….
  12. GS. Typical lefty journalism, appeasers and bias against us.
  13. JP. Surely you can tell us..
  14. GS. I’ve told you before I’m telling you again, my security team are just getting the nooses ready now, all the problems in London are muzzies.

EBF BF Paxo golding paxman.png

We’ve looked everywhere but can’t see how the very fuck they are going to be able to talk about anything other than their disgusting “keeping Britain British”  mantra. They will have no answer to the established parties asking them proper questions about the budget, yet they see this as a chance to go into the mainstream of British Politics. Somehow they think that a million or so likes on Facebook equates to large swathes of support on the ground. I’m hoping that when they get hardly any support they’ll realise that all they are is media junkies, no better than those who go on the Jeremy Kyle show or try out on the Xfactor pop Idol thingy. Goldy and Screechy, no one listens to you, no one wants you, and London certainly doesn’t deserve your publications or papers.

Tommy Robinson smirkThe far right came out to play again at the weekend, firstly in Dover under the guise of supporting our truckers. The casuals that were there barely managed to get 50 people on the ground to march along the seafront. They were countered by around 800-1000 antifa. The local Tory bloke wasn’t happy and seemed to slam the ‘lefteyes’ for blocking the road to stop the fash..needless to say the twatter lines slammed him. Secondly, our mate Tommy was back with his new breed of racism in Birmingham with Pegida. A staggering 30 people turned up for a stroll round a deserted industrial estate despite the boast that this march would attract 10000. He wants another go and now will take his brand of bollocks to Rotherham.

Pie and Mash, they who left the EDL for being too nice, want to go to back to Dover at the end of the month, a move that can only mean one thing, a drunken brawl.

So once again, although the headlines are all about a triumphant move for mayor, the far right can’t get anyone out to support them.

Now I think I better toddle off and do a weeks washing up before the Landlady comes home.

Yes – it was an April Fool’s day joke

A few people seem to have believed yesterday’s blog post about Tosspot Tommy  and Slattery Mandy taking over from Grasser Golding and Dutchy.

EBF Slattery cat and Tosspot Tommy blog imageGratified though we are that our little prank worked we think we should come clean now and make sure that nobody gets the wrong impression long-term.

It was an April Fool’s day joke. There’s no way that this collection of back-stabbing, paranoid, hate-filled fascists could ever form a coherent whole. They’re just too used to treating each other with mutual suspicion and contempt.

That’s a relief, isn’t it?

View from a Cellar 4

Landlord in cellarMore midweek shenanigans from the wonderful world of the right wing. I’ve been looking through the pages on facebook and in the papers and not a great deal is going on over in bigotland, the brand new theme park for the foaming right.

“Roll up roll up bigoted ones and racists all, for today we have all of you in one place.”

The EDL to the right, Pegida to the right, biffers on the evangelical right and thugs like the infidels, National Action and the NF to the far right. A foam fest of grand proportions for one day only.

There’s Goldibollocks and screechy preaching to their 120 followers wanting to take “are country back” This area comes complete with bible reading area (Brian Blessed type voice as we know the struggle with reading) Lefty Jounalist Pinata’s, a shop with stab vests and newspapers and a handy Police station for anyone who’s on Bail.

Oooh look There’s Pegida with stickers all over their mouths…..oh and a Pakistan flag…. all 127 of them with begging buckets. Tommy is there with MI5,MI6 and the rest of the intelligence community standing with him in case he wants to grass his former mates up. It appears Tommy has been on a ride as he seems to have taken a bashing coming out of a club. His police mates are looking at over a million suspects. This area comes with a dream factory as he’s delusional over 10000 people out on his next march and the management of Bigot World will have to get another couple of acres.

EDL Imbibing brotherhood brethren Bibo ergo sum in vino veritasPaul Locke and the EDL seem to have found Stella world, complete with directions on how to give the best Nazi salute. At least he seems to have found a couple of hundred like minded souls to keep him company. This part of the park includes handy advice on how to not get your Facebook pages hacked and how to scream about banning the Burka while still wearing face coverings.

Aha! Finally we have the real thugs and bigots. They are all bunched up in one. The infidels who are currently on an unsupervised march with no police protection as they haven’t told anyone….apart from Antifa, other groups and the police on social media. Where they are comes with handy Section 35 orders and instructions on how to get yourself nicked in one easy take. National Action are visiting a great area, a shop with banana’s and a left luggage office to take cover in the event of rain (or antifa). Their white knuckle ride is called “Scouse” and has them cowering in the corner. And it looks like the National Front have turned up..all 15 of them to show us Enoch was right.

It all looks so sweet until closing time when they seem to get on each others nerves, forget their percieved enemy and turn Bigot world into one big riot. Security (with real trained operatives with real licenses) turn up but along with the rest of the general public just can’t help laughing at these fucknuggets and their followers.

Oh well back to work now…look out for a view from a barstool this weekend with the news of the arrest of Screechy and Goldibollocks. I’m going to have to hide away well away from the Landlady.

Cheers

Tommy Robinson confuses the flock

The most obvious, most noticeable characteristic of UK fascists is their inability to maintain original thoughts. They have no critical thinking skills, no ability to discern fact from fiction and so no clue what their opinions ought to be. They always need someone to tell them what they believe – otherwise they become angry and confused.

Usually the message is simple and unambiguous. Something like…

• White people good
• Brown people bad
• Muslim means brown

• All Muslims are paedophiles
• All paedophiles are Muslims
• White paedophiles are ‘the exception that proves the rule’

• All brown people are terrorists
• Immigrants are terrorists
• Terrorists aren’t refugees
• No immigrants are refugees
• They’re ‘fakugees’ (that’s a clever sounding word, innit?)

You get the idea. So long as nobody contradicts their narrow, unthinking world view all is well. But watch what happens when one of their leaders says or does the wrong thing.

Tommy Pegida Birmingham backfire 1

But wait – most of the people marching under the Pegida flag were only there because Tommy used to lead them against brown people from Pakistan in the EDL. Oh dear. That’s confusing. What’s a fascist to do?

Tommy Pegida Birmingham backfire 2 quilliam

That’s it – reject him. If we all turn our backs on him and pretend he’s not there he’ll go away, won’t he? Won’t he? Please say he will.

Sensing the burgeoning existential crisis about to sweep over the Imbibing Brotherhood like a wave, up and coming leader and Solihull ‘Division commander’ (they have such grandiose titles) gave them a less confusing and much more familiar solution. Just batter Tommy and anyone who still believes in him. That should do the trick.

EDL Paul Locke reaction to Tommy Robinson Pegida Pakistan flag.pngIt’s ironic that these people whose only solution to every problem is to beat some poor sod up for having a different (even if only slightly different) opinion think they know what’s best for this country. And not only UK but Europe, the world and, worst of all, for desperate refugees whose plight the drunken EDL can’t even begin to imagine. It takes more than a drunken punch up to solve complex problems, Paul.

It takes more than a bunch of uneducated, drunken, white supremacist scumbags to solve the subtle problems of international relations.

It takes diplomacy.
It takes understanding.
It takes mutual respect.
It takes a commitment to peaceful negotiation.

It generally doesn’t involve fists or large quantities of cheap lager!

EDL Imbibing brotherhood brethren Bibo ergo sum in vino veritas

View from a Cellar

Landlord in cellarBack down in the cold of the cellar to get away from the couple of idiots that came into the pub with their Kipper literature. I tried, really really tried to be polite but their message and demeanour was repugnant to me. I tried to stay professional when I told them to bugger off, but in the end the Landlady took over and they seem to have left. You see these people see themselves as trying to get into power to me they are fascists, bigots and racists that need to be countered as much as the biffers, EDL, National Action et al. To some they are the acceptable face of the Bitish right wing movement, to me there will never be an acceptable one.

At the weekend we saw two different marches, one to stir up hatred and division, the other was to have a beer and a riot. One group succeeded the other didn’t. National Action, the EDL, National Front, Combat 18 and all the other undesirables had a “National day of Action” where patriots from all over the country would converge on Dover to prove they have widespread support for their racist bigoted views. That widespread support was proved to the princely sum of 150. They were countered by probably 300 Antifa. Now I heard before the march that both sides were intent in having a fight and maybe it wouldn’t be the place to visit which is what I was going to do. It was probably the wisest thing to do as before I opened reports came in of Antifa being attacked at a service station, coaches attacked and daubed with swastika’s in blood.

Unfortunately the follically challanged nazi’s also smashed up a coach which was taking some Russian schoolchildren to France. Well done Combat 18 well done indeed. At the riot, sorry march, the police tried to keep the two factions apart, as bricks and bottles were thrown. In the end in football parlance the score was a predictable draw, both managers claiming a win but neither came out with anything more than a shake of the head by us more liberal anti’s. The right say “we gave the left a kicking” Antifa said “we gave the right a good kicking” but in the end did anything actually come of it? Did the fash change the governments mind to burn mosques, the Qu’ran or close the borders? he answer is a big fat NO. Did Antifa stop the right from marching any more, come out with the moral high ground? Again the same answer.

In Dewsbury, if you believe the biffer high command, hundreds of patriots marched through the town to protest about the Muslim takeover of this country. I looked in my crisp store and they haven’t taken over that or my bar, my village or anywhere else I looked but there again I was always useless at hide and seek. I even asked Mr Khan in the corner shop if he was taking over the country but he doesn’t have time as he opens early and closes late. Biffer command also said faaaasands were turned away, buses didn’t stop and trains went straight through Dewsbury and didn’t stop. This was countered but this time the anti’s were kept from the cockwombles and no one heard the racist chants or rousing speeches apart from the 91 people there…..yes 91 not thousands. All of the biffer resources, the TV studio (chortle) the inflammatory video’s (snigger) and even Uncle Jim’s appearance could only muster 91 people. Once again they claim victory but this time it was definately a home win for the good guys.

This weekend in my favourite city, Birmingham, Tommy the convicted criminal, is staging the relaunch of Pegida with a silent march through Birmingham. There will be no alcohol, no chanting just a show of racist bunglecunts walking. Now I’ve seen evidence that the same fash from the weekend are going so silent could be violent pretty quick. Tommy says he is expecting thousands, I have 250 in the office sweepstake. At the end of the day he is walking through what possibly is the most wonderfully diverse city in Britain, where the vast majority of residents live peacefully hand in hand and this is what the right hates. Until Tommy, Goldibollocks, Weston and the kids at National action realise that the people of Britain may moan about the weather, warm beer, the state of our football team but when it comes to the right wing we don’t want you.

Which brings me back to UKIP. I have a severe intolerance of them, their politics and “acceptable racism” do not enter my pub again, don’t try and give my customers your literature as they will litter my floor with it. In fact no one likes the far right apart from the 250 people who marched this weekend.

Cheers

Pegida coulda picked a better leader

It seems that Tommy Robinson, sometime leader of the ‘Imbibing brotherhood’ (AKA the English Defence League), might not make it to the inaugural Pegida UK piss up in Brum. He’s due before the bench (again) very soon on a charge of battery and might be on course for another stretch at Her Majesty’s pleasure. Not that there’d be anything particularly pleasurable about playing host to that little cockwomble.

EDL leaders Tommy Robinson and Kevin Carroll In Court
Tommy Robinson pictured in 2013 outside Westminster Magistrates Court where he was facing charges of obstructing the police during an EDL march in East London.

This is the guy who shafted the EDL once the money stopped coming in by defecting to Quilliam.

This is the guy who walked away from Quilliam when he realised that they wouldn’t be giving the nasty little racist scumbag celebrity status.

This is the guy who thinks he can muster enough support for a UK branch of Pegida (even though he’s well known as a turncoat fraudster).

This is the guy who (hopefully) will soon be back inside where he can’t do as much damage to society. With all his ‘previous’ it certainly seems to be a possibility.

Here’s hoping for a nice long stretch!

The spy who grassed me

Britain First, the EDL, Pegida and the Home Office

You’d be forgiven for thinking that the English Defence League, that sad collection of middle-aged drunks and twenty-something football hooligans had finally given up the ghost, shuffled off this mortal coil and relegated itself to the fabled Wetherspoons in the Sky. It certainly looked that way. Ever since the sad racists of the EDL were so royally shafted by Fuhrer Tommy and his insignificant sidekick, Kev they seemed to be in their death throes. Pathetically, they retraced the steps of so many previous fascist organisations, eking out a last desperate moment or two of existence on their way to oblivion.

EDL Grimace demoAnd then something truly unexpected happened. Not content with being manipulated out of their beer money the first time, the EDL’s ‘imbibing brethren’ seem to be regrouping for a second betrayal, this time under new leadership.

Paul Locke is the brethren’s Solihull Divisional leader and a very different beast from Tommy Robinson (AKA Steven Yaxley-Lennon). He’s articulate and intelligent for one thing. He’s still biased as Hell and he’s certainly not above twisting the truth for his own ends but he’s a rising star within the EDL and a much smarter leader than any of the UK’s far right groups have had for a very long time. That might be why the authorities are leaving Paul Golding alone. Not only is he thought by just about everyone with half a brain cell to be a Home Office informant, he’s also far less of a threat than Locke looks set to be. By letting Golding continue (as long as he keeps on grassing up Locke and his mates) the authorities achieve two things…

  1. The biggest threat is contained through Golding’s betrayal of confidence.
  2. The far right gets stuck with inept leadership from Golding and Fransen, making them far easier to deal with.

BF grass bottle green jacket injunctionIt seems likely that Tommy Robinson’s present legal difficulties will derail the (second) launch of Pegida UK and we don’t doubt that if there’s any dirt to be dished on Locke then Golding and his turncoat army will be breaking out the silver platter to deliver it very soon.

Here at EBF we understand the reasoning behind this sort of game-playing. Really we do – we get it. But can the government not do a bit more to rein in Britain First’s worst excesses while they’re at it? Having well-placed informants is one thing but the damage Britain First is causing is quite another. Come on Mr. Cameron… Golding and Fransen are your pets so it’s up to you to muzzle them.

And if it’s not possible to modify their divisive activities then we return to our original request…

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