A view from an uncomfortable barstool by Landlord

Not really in the mood for writing but then again why not? Every other expert, right wing fuckwit and doom merchant has so why not a slightly left wing grumpy old sod giving his and the views of his regulars on the events of Wednesday.

Firstly I think back to 9\11 and the glee on the faces of a few in the middle East as they burnt the Stars and Stripes and then I look at the vitriol from the right wing over the last couple of days and see exactly the same pleasure. The media speculate on everything making out not the gravity of the situation but trying to scare the shit out of us. To me that’s as dangerous than the murderer who carried out the attack.

EBF London attack Theresa MayRead any Facebook or Twitter feed and I see one of three sets of people, firstly those who say told you so Screechy, Goldibollocks, Robinson and others on the far right. Secondly there are those who are genuinely frightened and see the press and the rabid right pushing them to believe the bullshit that they peddle and are ready to let this already right wing government to erode more of our basic rights and finally there’s us.

EBF London attack 2We feel the pain caused, we feel the hurt caused but we can also see where this is going. Trump now feels his Muslim ban is justified, May can get away with more swingeing erosion of our rights and all in the name of safety. The Muslim Council of Great Britain once again feel the need to issue a statement saying it’s not in our name, which is paid lip service by the media and disregarded by the far right, but what can they do anymore than they do now?

So what do we know? Well someone for an unknown reason drove a car along Westminster bridge swerved and killed some tourists, then continued and crashed into a fence by the Houses of Parliament got out, stabbed a policeman and was shot. That’s it, no more no less, the rest is just conjecture and speculation, experts come on and talk endlessly about what the security forces MAY be doing. Reporters report what other reporters are reporting, Tommy Robinson gets on a train to London and tries to run around talking to anyone who’s listening, Screechy and Goldibollocks release video’s in which you can almost hear the sound of kerching in the background. But all we really know is from the police who release carefully worded statements so as not to fuel the hysteria but fail miserably as more and more experts and commentators add bits.

EBF Tommy Robinson London attack

I’m horrified by the events of Wednesday but I and many others stay realistic. This was a murderer doing something that is abhorrent, not in the name of a religion or ideology but because of a warped sense of view. Last year another murderer killed Jo Cox shouting “Britain First” I didn’t see a video of Screechy and Goldibollocks calling for all fascists to be deported and churches to be pulled down, I didn’t see a five minute interview of Paul Nuttall spouting shit, I didn’t see Tommy Robinson prostituting his gob to anyone who may listen, I didn’t see an erosion of our rights but I do now.

EBF London attack 1

I’m not a great lover of the police but I do however think they know what they are doing, I think they know a lot more than they are telling us but they and they alone will let us know over the coming days and weeks and this is the only information I will believe.

Finally all the admins on this page would like to pass on our condolences to the victims of this murderer, people who went out to enjoy the sights of our beautiful city, or was guarding the houses of parliament and will not be going home.

Toodlepip

A view from a barstool #46

Another week where those in Bifferdom have finally cracked and sending more clickbait with than the PPI companies do on Facebook. “Share if you like fluffy unicorns but only if they’re British, share if you love British Castles and so on and on and on zzzzzzzzz. Are they running out of money to buy likes? Then they come out with a picture of an antelope called a dik dik (not Lomax and Lewis in their security garb) found in southern Africa and asked us to share if we love British wildlife. Spectacular own goal chaps……

This week we celebrated International Womens Day and Screechy published a picture of her holding a Qur’an and telling us about the way women are treated as second class citizens etc etc etc. Any chance of Muslim bashing hey Screech! Now I’m not a follower of any religion (or fashion) nor have I read the Qur’an, the Bible or Tanakh or Enid Blyton’s Famous five ( I was much more a Secret Seven man) but even a rudimentary check on Google and you find something pretty demeaning to women in all of them. Again interpretation is the name of the game, which Screechy plays very well.

EBF Twitter Jayda Fransen Chris York Huffington Post interview offerWe hear that Screechy and Goldibollocks don’t run from anything or anyone, the typical media whores that crave coverage wherever they can get it. Screechy published a story about two street preachers being arrested on Twitter, one of this page’s friends, Chris York from the Huffington Post tweeted back and asked her and Goldibollocks for an interview, just the three of them, anywhere they wanted, with a chance to get their point across and answer a few questions. The reply, bluster and deflection. In publican terms brave patriots Goldibollocks and Screechy ran away. So Screechy you know how to get in touch with Chris, I would guess the offer still stands!

As I have written before, with the world lurching horribly to the right and the policies put in place, racist attacks have increased. This is no surprise to us here and at TellMama and far right and neo Nazi arrests have doubled. No doubt biffer towers will put out a release telling anyone left who gives a shit on their page that this is lefty journalism and establishment propaganda. This in fact was in the Telegraph. The far right are emboldened by recent political moves and they feel it’s their right now to attack the defenceless, the majority aimed against Muslims as the rhetoric from world leaders want to beat them into the ground. Well this won’t do, we need to fight for our friends and neighbours now more than at any other time. A biffer favourite is about Creeping Sharia and halal slaughter of which it is abundantly clear they know fuck all about.

Another of our favourite fuckwits, Katie Hopkins just got sued for defamation, I’m hoping this will lead to more people calling her up on her hatred and lies. She is one of the islamaphobic cheerleaders either because she knows it winds more people up, more exposure, more noteriety, more money or it’s because she is a racist fucknugget and thinks a right wing revolution is happening and she’s the one to lead it.

Finally it’s coming up to Easter… cue general biffer frothing about the chocolate eggs from various companies not having Easter emblazoned on them in huge letters. A few things for Screechy, Goldibollocks and the rest of the right wing shittroopers to take note. Firstly, it’s a chocolate fucking egg…I have 5 kids who couldn’t give a toss whether it’s called Easter, summer, pagan or whatever. It’s a chocolate egg which is eaten as quickly as possible. Secondly, Easter is still on the packaging it isn’t Muslim appeasement it’s sensible marketing. Thirdly and someone may put me right but in my limited knowledge of the Bible I never knew there was a big fuck off chocolate egg with a toy or chocolate in the middle. But every year, just like Christmas, St. George’s day, Remembrance day and on and on and on and zzzzzzzzz the far right say our Christian identities are being taken away. And like everything else they say – it’s all a load of bollocks.

Well that’s it for this week, the biffers going bonkers, the fascists being locked up, a hated columnist guilty and having to pay and the frothing sheep having a go at Cadburys. All in all a fucked up time to be a follower in bifferdom.

Toodlepip

View from a barstool #45 by Landlord

Beer 2Firstly an apology, I meant to try and write a a weekly roundup of all things biffer but real life really kept getting in the way, I really wish we were getting paid to run the page as our accusers like to say!!! In between running a busy business, trying to sympathise and help my Danish barmaid and French chef over their fears of Brexit and what it may mean to them and catching up with my family and antifa landlords I’ve let matters EBF go by a little. But like Goldibollocks, I’m back.

The fascists, although our lovely, mainly bigoted media, dress them up as alt-right, seem to have been emboldened by the new political landscape, from Brexit to Trump, from an unelected horrid PM to Geert Wilders and Marie Or Pen. The fash in the US and over here have taken that as open season on Muslims and couldn’t give two shits how they do it. Over here the EDL and the Biffers continue to use their own fake news and downright lies from the gruesome twosome the Mail and Express to whip up anti Muslim sentiment, and the other far right groups in this country have taken Brexit to mean the right have taken our country back literally and have been intimidating anyone who isn’t British.

In America Trump has used a Muslim Ban to stop Muslims from seven countries entering the US despite their not being any evidence of terrorism from these countries. Could it be that the countries that aren’t banned from entering have been vetted or that POTUS has business dealings there.

In fact, the rallying call from Trump, our PM, Goldibollocks, Screechy et al is “make our countries great again.

As a slightly left leaning, normal bloke working hard to give his family vacation good life this all scares the fuck out of me. As a regular in my pub said yesterday “all it needs is goostepping down the mall and what I fought against in the war all goes to pot.”

But should it scare us, bits and pieces over the last couple of months give us hope that the world is not going to be totally fucked and a revolution, although not armed, is starting. From centrist Tories leftwards the people have had enough and they are showing it.

From the women’s march across the world, the #resistance in the US, marchers for Europe, the NHS and against disability rights we are fighting back.

Enough of world politics and now back to all thing biffers. Well they had a march, or a carpark shuffle as we like to call it. Estimated attendance was 50 (antifa) 90 (local press) or twelvty million (high command). Once again it was against Muslim Grooming gangs and once again no biffers really give a shit about CSE unless they can beat Muslims with it. Let me put all the troll’s out there right, the exploitation and sexual abuse is wrong, whatever the colour, religion or sex of the perpetrators. It is not a Muslim problem it is a worldwide issue.
Anyway the biffers had their walk, no uniforms I noted(not that they were scared or anything) but security looking like cuntspangles in jackboots and army fatigues looking every bit a paramilitary organisation of Walts. The main speaker who Screechy had told us was a friend from Poland was coming over to address his new flock. He was probably happy he got refused entry as the biffers probably weren’t racist enough for him. Yes you read it right, refused entry to this country over fears that he could invite racial tensions. Screechy put out a tearful video telling us that it was the establishment again, stopping someone coming into the country to talk to a fascist organisation. Now I don’t know about you but isn’t that slightly double standards Screechy, don’t you want the Border Agency to stop hate preachers from coming into this country.

Finally I love this page, it’s an honour to be an admin on it, eating hobnobs and using the office Tassimo machine whilst picking out articles to post, seeing the memes being produced and the work that goes into debunking all that comes from biffer towers. I love the people that follow the page, that pass on articles, information and funnies. I even love the troll’s who are ripped apart when they pop up from time to time. Occasionally there are times we get it wrong, times we insult Screechy or Goldibollocks and the rest of the shittroopers. This we will never stop, because we can’t stop fighting them. If we do the sound of jackboots goose-stepping up the mall will happen.

Toodlepip

Biffers, Islamists, God and me

I’m not really very religious but I thought perhaps I should have a little word in God’s shell-like. Too much stuff didn’t make any sense. So I sat down in a quiet room with curtains drawn and meditative candles duly lit, all set to talk to my maker.

It wasn’t a long conversation but it seemed to straighten a few things out for me. It went like this…

dear-god-biffers-isis-never-knew-me

View from a barstool #44 by Landlord

Beer 2As 2017 comes in and we can at least bid a non-fond farewell to 2016 I was wondering just what this new year had in store for a grumpy, lefty, Muslim apologist landlord. I’ve had a look back at the year just gone, one in which it seems you can bomb the fuck out of somewhere, killing children, and a year that seems to justify fascism.

In Syria bombs continue to rain down on Aleppo, killing indiscriminately. Now I have an admission to make… I’m not particularly up on who’s doing what, where over there. I just can’t stand the fact that a whole bunch of innocent people are being killed by the west, Russia, their own government, Daesh and lack of food. The Biffer trolls’ favourite saying is “they should stay and fight” but fight whom, with what? Should they shoot the odd (not so) smart bomb with catapults?

Brexit has seemed to galvanise the right into thinking bigotry and abuse of anyone slightly off white is acceptable. Twitter and Facebook is awash with so-called celebrities writing statements that over a year ago would have seen them hauled over the coals. It seems that it’s ok to go up to foreign looking chappies and chappesses and tell them to “Fuck off home” even though their home is here. It seems ok to invade places of worship because their god is different to yours. It seems ok to racially abuse people in the street, all because a non-binding referendum seemed to say we hate foreigners.

Brexit send them back T shirt   Walsall halal butcher arson petrol bomb brexit

Well Katie Fucking Hopkins you failed at business, you failed at being a celebrity and you will fail at your pathetic attempts to shock. You see we laugh at you. I don’t care how you voted, as long as the reason wasn’t racial.

2016 also saw the deaths of many celebrities. Now call me a grumpy cuntspangle but I don’t see anyone as better than us, my television is limited to Sky Sports and peppa pig. I’m also someone who as a bar manager at Thorpe Park barred Katy Jordan (or something) as I really didn’t “know who I am” when she screamed at me. However during my formative years I did listen to a lot of Status Quo, a bit of Bowie, read a lot of Richard Adams and loved Star Wars so I am sorry they lost their lives. I also say RIP to all those who lost their lives in senseless wars, so called terrorist attacks or anything else.

The Americans have also managed to get the rest of the world united in a collective facepalm as they voted in a racist buffoon who is both financially and morally bankrupt. Us ‘lefteyes’ better run for cover… fuckwit is coming to town.

And now my favourite part of 2016, the beginning of the end of Bifferdom. They crave publicity and money. They want to be a “legitimate” political party who make all others quake in their boots. They want to outlaw a religion, not as they tell it but because it makes them money. What sort of year have they had? Well it’s been brilliant.

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They’ve got a new camera, Screechy appears to have increased by a cupsize or two, Goldibollocks and Stevie’s waistline seems to have expanded. The two leaders have criminal records, Goldibollocks being interned at her majesty’s pleasure for ignoring a High court injunction and Screechy for bullying a young Muslim lady. They failed to make any inroads in politics. Screechy, Goldibollocks and his mum/family failed even to make a blip on the BBC’S colour chart in the mayoral election. Their conferences and road shows were supported by the same 20 followers, despite having twelvty million likes on Facebook. So the Biffers were a failure too.

As I look now to 2017 what can I expect. Well probably more of the same. Although teetering on the edge of annihilation whilst there is still money to con, the Biffer High command will continue to talk bollocks and fail in almost everything they do. Hopkins will continue to talk shit and no one will listen. Trump will bankrupt the US and the West will continue senseless bombing of countries that might have oil, or pipelines owned in part by media moguls.

170101-nye-london-celebration

But there is something I saw over the recent festivities, a coming together of all faiths (and none) sticking the proverbial two fingers up at Trump, Fartage, Daesh, Bifferdom, Hopkins et al. The left, centre and centre right all beginning, to use a movie quote to “be excellent to each other”. You see we, the normal non-bigoted people are fed up of all this cuntwaffle from the Nazi far right and have had just as much as we can take.

So I’m not giving up smoking, drinking or meat. My resolution is to be excellent to all. Apart from Biffers they can fuck off.

Toodlepip

A prison romance

This weekend something amazing happened. Big Ali “crusher” Mirza of Bradford had given up all hope of ever finding his true love when he went inside just under 7 years ago. Interviewed a couple of years back for the prison newspaper, ‘Her Majesty’s pleasure’ he said

“It’s all a bit crap really. Even the old geezer in C wing is starting to look pretty damn tasty. Please, somebody, let me shag you.”

BF Battle of Hexthorpe.jpgSkull-crushing runs in Big Ali’s family. His great great grandfather had been an official crusher at the palace of the Tipoo Sultan back in the day before the family immigrated to Britain after the partition. Ali’s 8 year old grandson, Hussain led the victorious defenders in the winning push bike cavalry charge at the Battle of Hexthorpe, forcing the invading Biffers to retreat in terror before the wheels of their tricycles and push bikes fitted with rear war stabilisers.

Where romance is concerned Big Ali’s standards seem to have dropped a bit. His latest flame, Paulie only arrived recently on the wing but the couple hit it off immediately.

ebf-prison“There’s been something missing in my life for the longest time. It’s like a big, gaping hole and Ali filled it” Paulie confided.

“Oh, I filled it, alright.” Big Ali’s eyes twinkled with the nearly indescribable joy of a lag with a green and ever so willing fag, a compliant new bitch to scratch his seven year itch.

“Big Ali’s changed my life.” Paulie admits. “I used to hate Poles but since I met Crusher’s I’ve changed my mind completely”.

As it happens Big Ali isn’t Polish at all. We’ve no idea what Paul meant by that comment.

But it’s not all smooth riding. The couple have turbulent times ahead. Paulie’s only a temporary visitor to the cell block while Big Ali plans to stay where he is for a good while yet. That’s what you get for crushing skulls with your bare hands.

“We’ll miss each other, of course” Says Crusher “but the course of true love never did run smooth.”

We asked Paulie how he felt about their impending seperation.

“Hmmshhpfpfgulp” He said , his face buried in an already remarkably well-chèwed prison issue pillow.

“we haven’t been seperated yet.” Ali butted in.

Our reporter could only agree.

A view from a barstool #43 by Landlord

christmas-beerI have to admit that I was finding it pretty difficult to work out what to write this week, I mean just how much regurgitated shit can you manage to read or hear before getting writers block, until the Christmas present that was the incarceration of Der Fuhrer, so here it is, my take on the best and funniest news we at EBF have had all year.

Goldibollocks, you see, like the rest of his High Command think they are above the law, that when they are arrested, interviewed or confronted by the police that this is a plot by the establishment to silence them and the twelvty million supporters they purport to have. Well Goldibollocks, well Screechy, well shittroopers I have news for you, it’s not. The reason you are harassed, arrested,bailed or confronted is because it’s against the law.

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Now it’s hard not to laugh at them, I know believe me, but trying to be serious for just one paragraph this is a quick résumé of what Goldibollocks did to get banged up. Earlier this year, to great fanfare and video on their page Goldibollocks, Screechy and the shittroopers visited Bury Park in Luton for a Christian patrol. Screechy went batshit crazy and verbally assaulted a young Muslim woman whilst bravely surrounded by the shittroopers and quite rightly Bedfordshire police got miffed about it. Screechy and Goldibollocks were bailed with certain stringent conditions. One of which was not to go into a mosque in the British isles without written permission. When it was time to come to court he played a blinder pled guilty and got a criminal record, Screechy was also hauled up and also got convicted of her part in the Bury Park fiasco. One thing remained though……..no more mosque invasions.

bf-ebf-fransen-golding-luton-courtWhilst Screechy was out of the picture Goldibollocks and some pretty unsavoury activists went to Cardiff and entered a mosque without prior written consent, Goldibollocks says he didn’t go in but he was definitely the unhinged mastermind behind it. Thinking they had got away with it how they laughed. However behind the scenes the authorities decided that bending over and being fisted by the biffers on a weekly basis was pissing them off and hatched a cunning plan. Fast forward to Screechy’s trial and the announcement that Goldibollocks was to be charged for contempt of court. After much hissing and screaming at the establishment Goldibollocks relinquished control of Bifferdom to spend more time with his family. The more cynical amongst us knew this was a blinding legal move on his behalf as he could say he no longer had control.

On Thursday he went to court played a blinder, pled guilty and expected a slap on the wrist. Naughty boy Paul but as we’re so frightened of your online masses and your plethora of MPS, MEPs and councillors we’ll let you out just don’t do it again, was what he, his legal team and the biffer High command thought would happen. By all accounts his bottom lip trembled as he was told you’re going down for eight weeks, 4 suspended. You see Screechy, Goldibollocks and the rest of your tacky insignificant crew people get fucked off with being constantly disobeyed and you went too far.

Now we could go over the top and take the piss more, we could ask that he’s banged up with Muslims, or someone who calls him Pauline, but the others have too much class for that. Instead I’d like him to spend the 4 weeks in solitude, snivelling like the cowardly fuck he is. He won’t have his shittroopers there, no one to hold his hand if someone says something nasty to him.

EBF BF Golding prison crime policy.jpg

I hope prison will break him, make him scared shitless, I hope that he’ll come out chastened by the experience, but I doubt it. In fact if you read comments from biffer towers you’ll see the twats are out and Screechy wants money to appeal. Appeal, fuck off you conning bunch of fucking arseholes. He pled guilty end of.
One of the comments I loved was,

“I bet if it was a Muslim he’d be free.”

To which one of our regulars wrote

“Hmmm, like Choudary.”

So what next for the biffers? Well Screechy will continue with her soapbox, spouting all sorts of absolute garbage, Stevie will continue his one man assault on Gregg’s, the shittroopers will continue to look as menacing as my little ponies and in 4 weeks time a fucked up Goldibollocks will emerge to the waiting throng of twelvty million press and sign a multi million pound deal with Brietbart to screen his life story. In all honesty, we just don’t know. One thing we are sure about is that this will lead to some more conning, a huge amount of racist and religious bigotry and Screechy screeching.

One more thing you can be sure of, once the offices collective hangover goes we’ll be there to fuck them up, we’ll be there to highlight their lies, we’ll be there to highlight their bigotry, we’ll be there to counter their get togethers and we’ll be there to highlight their cons.

But for this weekend I’m getting pissed, and staying pissed. Maybe, just maybe this will curtail their activities and that is something to raise a glass of Babysham to over the Xmas break. Now if you’ll forgive me I’ve got an unopened bottle of expensive Valpollicello to uncork and toast His Honour Judge Moloney for having the bollocks to stand up to the bully.

Toodlepip