View from a barstool #44 by Landlord

Beer 2As 2017 comes in and we can at least bid a non-fond farewell to 2016 I was wondering just what this new year had in store for a grumpy, lefty, Muslim apologist landlord. I’ve had a look back at the year just gone, one in which it seems you can bomb the fuck out of somewhere, killing children, and a year that seems to justify fascism.

In Syria bombs continue to rain down on Aleppo, killing indiscriminately. Now I have an admission to make… I’m not particularly up on who’s doing what, where over there. I just can’t stand the fact that a whole bunch of innocent people are being killed by the west, Russia, their own government, Daesh and lack of food. The Biffer trolls’ favourite saying is “they should stay and fight” but fight whom, with what? Should they shoot the odd (not so) smart bomb with catapults?

Brexit has seemed to galvanise the right into thinking bigotry and abuse of anyone slightly off white is acceptable. Twitter and Facebook is awash with so-called celebrities writing statements that over a year ago would have seen them hauled over the coals. It seems that it’s ok to go up to foreign looking chappies and chappesses and tell them to “Fuck off home” even though their home is here. It seems ok to invade places of worship because their god is different to yours. It seems ok to racially abuse people in the street, all because a non-binding referendum seemed to say we hate foreigners.

Brexit send them back T shirt   Walsall halal butcher arson petrol bomb brexit

Well Katie Fucking Hopkins you failed at business, you failed at being a celebrity and you will fail at your pathetic attempts to shock. You see we laugh at you. I don’t care how you voted, as long as the reason wasn’t racial.

2016 also saw the deaths of many celebrities. Now call me a grumpy cuntspangle but I don’t see anyone as better than us, my television is limited to Sky Sports and peppa pig. I’m also someone who as a bar manager at Thorpe Park barred Katy Jordan (or something) as I really didn’t “know who I am” when she screamed at me. However during my formative years I did listen to a lot of Status Quo, a bit of Bowie, read a lot of Richard Adams and loved Star Wars so I am sorry they lost their lives. I also say RIP to all those who lost their lives in senseless wars, so called terrorist attacks or anything else.

The Americans have also managed to get the rest of the world united in a collective facepalm as they voted in a racist buffoon who is both financially and morally bankrupt. Us ‘lefteyes’ better run for cover… fuckwit is coming to town.

And now my favourite part of 2016, the beginning of the end of Bifferdom. They crave publicity and money. They want to be a “legitimate” political party who make all others quake in their boots. They want to outlaw a religion, not as they tell it but because it makes them money. What sort of year have they had? Well it’s been brilliant.

bf-paul-golding-prison-1

They’ve got a new camera, Screechy appears to have increased by a cupsize or two, Goldibollocks and Stevie’s waistline seems to have expanded. The two leaders have criminal records, Goldibollocks being interned at her majesty’s pleasure for ignoring a High court injunction and Screechy for bullying a young Muslim lady. They failed to make any inroads in politics. Screechy, Goldibollocks and his mum/family failed even to make a blip on the BBC’S colour chart in the mayoral election. Their conferences and road shows were supported by the same 20 followers, despite having twelvty million likes on Facebook. So the Biffers were a failure too.

As I look now to 2017 what can I expect. Well probably more of the same. Although teetering on the edge of annihilation whilst there is still money to con, the Biffer High command will continue to talk bollocks and fail in almost everything they do. Hopkins will continue to talk shit and no one will listen. Trump will bankrupt the US and the West will continue senseless bombing of countries that might have oil, or pipelines owned in part by media moguls.

170101-nye-london-celebration

But there is something I saw over the recent festivities, a coming together of all faiths (and none) sticking the proverbial two fingers up at Trump, Fartage, Daesh, Bifferdom, Hopkins et al. The left, centre and centre right all beginning, to use a movie quote to “be excellent to each other”. You see we, the normal non-bigoted people are fed up of all this cuntwaffle from the Nazi far right and have had just as much as we can take.

So I’m not giving up smoking, drinking or meat. My resolution is to be excellent to all. Apart from Biffers they can fuck off.

Toodlepip

View from a barstool #12

Beer 2Well now the festivities are over and hangovers nursed in the Landlords household, the pirates seem to have finally buggered off, the hobnob cupboard in the office needs replenishing(hint) but at least the Blue Nun and the babysham was imbibed. I had 3 major resolutions to try and keep. The first – to be nice to trolls lasted 4 minutes. The second – not to get pissed off with the biffers lasted 2 and the last – to get decent coffee for the office lasted 8 hours.

So to the roundup of all things biffer from last week…

Well Goldibollocks graced us with his considerable presence, trying to look statesmanlike but failing miserably, informing his congregation that he was proud to be arrested. Paulie, proud you miserable cockwomble, of harassing a elderly woman in her home, proud of sticking two fingers up at the Queen by wearing a tatty green bin bag with her crown emblazoned on it, and proud of being leader of a fascist organisation.

Biffer central seem to be sending an endless amount of trolls over, who we tolerate to a degree, and love reading you lot ripping into them and the comedy value of your replies. Indeed we are currently discussing a new virtual award for troll hunting. It proves beyond any doubt that the powers that be over in Bifferland are worried about our continued presence, getting bigger by the day. Other anti groups also continue to grow as well so the people are out there, getting louder and getting to their leaders.

Floods, lots of them. Loads of damage to infrastructure and homes. People struggling under the deluge. But we saw something happening. Huge community spirit, help from Christians, from Sikh’s, Athiests, Muslims, refugees, giving up time, food and money for the victims, not caring who they are. What did Britain First do, with their 1.1 million disciples? They sent a meme out asking those who receive foreign aid to send £3. I think, Goldibollocks and Dutchy, you have fucked up badly on it.

EBF Rochdale refugees sandbags meme

Our picture of Syrian refugees was trolled relentlessly, it seems that most of the mainstream media and even the Washington Post isn’t enough proof for them. Well up yours Biffers! People in this country have long memories and when you have your drunken stroll through Dewsbury there will be a few good people of Hebden Bridge and other affected areas coming to join the ranks of the real British people opposing you.

And finally, instead of a conference the Biffers are going to have a weekend festival somewhere in Lincolnshire, complete with burger vans (halal?) and beer tent. And this brings me to my final resolution of this year, to harass and harry anything you do.

Have a meet up at a pub? Not if I can help it!

Your festival? Not if I can help it?

A march? I’m going to be there!

A meme? Yep you guessed it.

In fact, whatever you do I’m going to counter it with my fellow admins and my mates on the page.

Send your trolls in. We’ll counter them to shreds!

Try to discredit us. We’ll laugh and repudiate your claims!

We are Christian, Athiest, Muslim and agnostic. We are from a wide range of backgrounds with contacts in many places. And EBF is getting stronger from the people who send us in memes, links and information. Britain First may not have been involved in the floods but they will reap the deluge that’s coming their way.

Finally, may I wish all our mates on the page, and the trolls too, a very happy and prosperous new year.

Cheers,

Landlord

Something to crow about!

Britain First never seems to lack something to crow about. If they’re not complaining about how badly they’re treated (and begging for money to support their persecuted martyrdom) they’re shouting about how great they are (and begging for money to support their greatness). Sometimes they combine the two and complain about how persecuted they are in spite of their greatness (and beg for money to support their persecuted greatness). Biffer Fuhrer, Folding Golding’s New Year message to his imaginary British Reich combined all of the above and more. You can watch his hilarious attempt to be taken seriously (along with the EBF commentary) here.

For me though, the most hilarious of all the festive season’s offerings was this little gem which appeared on the Biffer website a little while ago. This collection of craziness, this wonderful, web-based wittering of weasel words falls into the ‘see how great we are’ camp – except they’re not great at all. In attempting to prove how ever-so-influential they are Britain First has proven beyond all reasonable doubt their own political insignificance. In short this is what they said…

We’re great because..

We have lots of overseas likes, click bait likes, sock-puppets and paid for popularity.

We don’t get a look in when it comes to the real world but…

Online we only really make an impact on Facebook because that’s the only social media platform that lets us silence dissenters and fake our popularity by paying Asian click-farms.But if we don’t count platforms where people aren’t easy to silence we look like we’re doing well.

So we won’t count any platform except Facebook.

We especially won’t count Twitter where we always get trounced by people we can’t silence. Anyway Paulie got banned off Twitter for being a racist bully so we definitely don’t want anything to do with them. They’re too hard to control.

Look how popular we seem now.

Impressive isn’t it?

BF stats EBF commentary new year 2016

That was restful

Quite a few people have contacted the Facebook page asking about me. They’d noticed that I hadn’t written anything for a few weeks and wanted to check that I was OK. That was really nice of them (they know who they are) and I want to thank them for their concern. I’m grateful to my colleagues at EBF for responding to them in my absence to put their minds at rest.

The truth is, I’ve been on holiday. Hubby and I took the girls off to my hometown, a beautiful cathedral city in the East Midlands for Christmas. We visited relatives and friends and even got to take our beautiful daughters to local sites and museums describing our shared heritage from the past. They’re getting to be old enough to appreciate that stuff now.
The city still bears the evidence of Roman and Viking settlements, of Saxons and Normans, of Jewish traders and of more modern influxes of people like the Poles and other East Europeans who fled occupied Europe during World War 2.

Roman 1

And as we went around these places it struck me just how ridiculous it is for any modern British citizen to argue about race, religion or national identity as though it’s something we can isolate and separate from the rest of the world. So I bought myself a little exercise book and I took notes. There was a blog forming in my head.

Britain First pretends that it’s easy to tell who is who. The Biffers pretend that ‘ethnic English’ is actually a thing when in truth we all bear the historical hallmarks of regional and international influences.
The black African auxiliaries who fought with the Roman armies left their mark alongside the Anglo-Saxons who settled here from Germany. Vikings from Scandinavia spread across the continent and settled in the North and East of the country. Apparently there’s more Viking blood in this neck of the woods than there is in any other part of England.

The main shopping centre in my home city is built on the site where a Viking longship used to lie buried in the mud. I can still remember my dad showing me photographs of it when I was just a little girl. I didn’t understand why he was so excited about it at the time. I do now.

Other parts of the country have different influences. The South West has almost no Viking at all so in the racial purity stakes I have to wonder what would happen to the good people of Somerset and Cornwall. Would they be with us or against us? More to the point – who the Hell are ‘us’?

Middle-Eastern Jews came here fleeing persecution from the Christian crusaders who didn’t quite know who they were supposed to be fighting. That didn’t work out too well for them. Within a couple of hundred years their flourishing community was persecuted by the locals alongside their relatives in more famous massacres like that in York. But not before they’d left their mark on the gene pool.

On the top of the hill, the only proper hill in town, stands the magnificent Norman castle. It’s a testament to the French invaders who beat back the earlier German invaders to make this land their home. They had a big influence on the gene pool too. Across a little courtyard is a three-arched gateway called Exchequergate. That leads to the Norman cathedral where Christians went to pray. They still do.

It’s where believers go to meet, to practice their faith and to hear sermons about peace, love, charity and remember stories of God’s grace like that parable of The Good Samaritan – you know – the one who helped a foreigner even though he was himself persecuted. This is where they learn about the biblical instruction to love thy neighbour – something that Biffers like Jim Dowson try to distort into a grotesque version of selfish, cruel, hateful barbarism.

I remember attending services there myself on occasion. I’m not a Christian myself, more of an agnostic but I still used to enjoy the midnight service at the Cathedral. The whole, huge interior seemed to flood with feelings of love and peace, kindness and goodwill to our fellow humans. We took the girls this year to hear the Bishop give a sermon. I was moved as usual – I think my little princesses’ experience was more a combination of boredom and exhaustion. They had just spent the day being told how much they’d grown by a very long succession of friends and relatives as we went house to house throughout the city. I’m not sure what Hubby took from it. The religion he grew up with is different and although he feels just as much at home in a Christian Cathedral I’m sure there were things he thought a little strange. He doesn’t talk much about religion though so I haven’t asked. Perhaps he’ll tell me once he’s read this blog.

Morning chapelWe travelled home yesterday. It was about time. But before we did I managed to steal an hour for myself and rekindled an old habit of mine. Yesterday I went back to that beautiful Norman cathedral and sat quietly in the little ‘Morning chapel’, just off the main body of the Cathedral. It’s always been a place of calm and quiet for me, not for religious reasons – just because it is. There’s something reassuring about that place. It lets me clear my head and ‘find myself’. It always has.

I sat there in my old bolt hole and reviewed my life, what’s important to me and what I should be doing with my life right now. Family matters. Especially the girls. But beyond those I love the most I experienced an intense feeling of purpose about what we’re doing here at EBF. I won’t say I’ve never felt anything like that before but I will say it’s not something I’ve experienced often. I don’t know if it was the Morning Chapel itself that brought it on, the effect of having a couple of weeks break from the blog I’ve been writing for almost constantly since last Spring or something more spiritual. I’ve really no idea. But I do know that the hour I spent in my favourite spot recharged my batteries for another round of fash-fighting.

Come on 2016, let’s do this! I’m a woman with a purpose!

EBF PAW copy