Just another crazy American

EBF Trump crazy AmericanI was out having coffee with an old friend from my hometown when the news broke. We were sitting in a swanky coffee shop making adoring noises in the general direction of our new humans (her delightful little treasure is a month or two older than mine) when our mutual admiration fest was interrupted by mobile phone alerts. My old friend was first to comment.

“OMG! Trump’s been retweeting Britain First! You’re something to do with EBF aren’t you?”

I almost fell off my chair. Not only did I not know she’d heard of EBF, I definitely didn’t know she knew I was involved.

“Yes,” I replied, taken aback.

“I’m EBF Blogger”

“I knew it!” She exclaimed. “I knew that was you. I can tell your style of writing a mile away!”

My friend and I had gone right through school together. We almost always sat next to each other and even met in each other’s houses to do homework. We really were the geeky girls of the class. So it stands to reason that if anyone would know my writing style, she would.

“So?” She inquired. “What do you make of that?”

“Just another crazy American who thinks they understand British society.” I said.

“Most of Britain First’s followers are either paid-for clickfarm likes or foreigners. The American Christian right wing has always been keen on slagging off non-Christians so BF’s anti-Muslim, anti-brown agenda appeals to them.”

My friend stared blankly back at me, clearly surprised that I didn’t see this ‘shot in the arm’ for the Biffers as a problem.

“It’s no big deal.” I said. “Britain First has lost all credibility in UK. British people took a while to see them for what they are but now everybody who cares to look knows that they’re a bunch of far-right bigots. They can get American Facebook support if they want but that won’t help them in this country. If they get a few American donors… IF that happens they’ll just squander the money on European holidays and fines for public order offences anyway.”

“So you’re not worried that the President of the free world just endorsed them?”

“The president of what? I didn’t vote in that election. He’s president of America – nowhere else. And anyway – even the Yanks want shot of him!”

My friend smiled and sat back in her overly stuffed comfy chair.

“Just another crazy American, then.” She said, wiping the second most adorable little baby face in the world.

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A heartfelt apology by Landlord

EBF Fransen arrested.jpgI/we have an apology to make, in the two and a half years since I became an admin on Exposing Britain First I’ve never made an appeal but this week I’ve looked in petty cash, behind the sofa and all I found was 22p a half packet of hobnobs, a small jar of coffee, 33 mint imperials and a half packet of wine gums. The reason for looking……our irony machine and biffer outrage machines are fucked, they packed up and left the office sometime on Thursday and haven’t been seen since.

We urgently need twelvty million pounds or Ant, Foxy, Nemesis and Prole will be gently rocking in their office chairs and I and the others will bugger off down the pub to drink what is left of our funds.

Poppy outrage is over, mirth over as Goldibollocks tried to show reverence as he laid a wreath, at 4 o’clock and everyone else was tucking into their Sunday lunch or watching the Grand Prix. Reports that he was told he was not welcome at the actual parade are as yet unconfirmed.

Screechy meanwhile the upholder of all things British and on this most patriotic of days, conned the police so she didn’t have to sign on in Bromley and went, not to a Remembrance service, but to address a bunch of Polish Nazis. Biffer propaganda tried to spin it that she was talking to the 30000 Poles at their Independence Day rally when in actual fact she was speaking to a fringe of goose stepping Polish Fascists. Next time she says anything about Remembrance Day and patriotism she can only get a big fuck off from all over here.

With Remembrance Day done and dusted it wasn’t long before the next Biffer outrage, Tesco. Now I’m a grumpy fucker as the landlady can agree so my outrage at Tesco and others is that there are twelve days of Christmas and none of them are in fucking November but the biffer high command was incandescent with rage as Tesco had the audacity to put a Muslim family in their festive advertising, cue the biggest bigoted frothfest seen since, well since Remembrance weekend. Muslims celebrating Christmas, they spluttered it’s not possible. My next door neighbour is called Mo, his wife Fayez( I hope I have that right she’ll kill me if I don’t), and his kids are Muslim. He’s not devout as he enjoys the odd pint and bets on the Grand National but he attends the mosque every other day. He has already got his Christmas lights up on the house and as I write is going to buy a tree. You see they enjoy Christmas more than I do, they host a wonderful Christmas party which most of our road attend, invite my family round on Christmas Day. Someone needs to tell Screechy and Goldibollocks that the birth of Jesus has connotations in Islamic faith as much as it does Christianity. So to those fucknuggets at biffer high command, shove your outrage up your arse.

Outrage number two, and a video from Screechy. I can just see it now in biffer HQ, “we need to be outraged at something,” Goldibollocks and Screechy say, “read the newspapers, scan the airwaves find us something to screech at or else.” Then Steve sees it, tries to cover it up…….but it’s there……a sausage roll. A sausage fucking roll, but not any sausage roll, a Greggs pork sausage roll. The bakery chain held in high regard in biffer circles, had the audacity to make an advert with a sausage roll instead of Jesus in a nativity scene. Now I personally am a non believer, but if that outrages anyone then Christianity has gone to the dogs. I thought the advert was brilliant but the far right exploded in disgust. Greggs later pulled the advert but for fucks sake a sausage fucking roll upsetting the biffers……please.

There is going to be more outrage, that is without a doubt, so our poor biffer outrage machine needs replacing. Please please please, think of the admins, press the imaginary donate button and give generously. Maybe we may make our twelvty million target so Prole can go on a virtual holiday as she’s looking a bit pale recently, I can buy in a virtual barrel of ale and the others can have something better than Spar coffee.

Toodlepip

Let the outrage commence by Landlord

Beer 2The I’m outraged at ……. season has begun at Biffer command and watch out if your skin is slightly more tanned than theirs… you’re going to get it. As sure as eggs are eggs Poppy anger rolls into Christmas being banned, into Easter being stopped into St George’s day and then back to Remembrance Day again. You can set your watch, calendar or phone by it when frothing biffers recount tales of unicorns and pots of gold at the rainbow’s end – or lies as we like to call them.

The first unicorn instance started early, a guy in TfL uniform was accused of telling a poppy seller to get orf the land, cue outrage and the frothfest began. One of my colleagues actually sent a comment to TfL about it and was told that it happened in 2013 and he was actually protecting her. But it was enough for the bigots to fire the starting pistol on Muslim bashing.

The next unicorn instance came as England cricket players left to go to the ashes down under. In a team picture Moeen Ali didn’t have the obligatory poppy on his suit for the team picture, although he did have one later when they landed. But this was enough to start the foaming with super suds. Now I’ve actually met Mo at a cricket against racism event at the Oval, and I have to say he’s a lovely bloke. He is so proud of pulling on the Three Lions shirt, kisses the badge when he scores a ton and proud of representing his country, something Screechy and Goldibollocks and the high command can only dream of. If Moeen says it fell off I believe him more than the fucknuggets at Biffer Towers.

I noticed that as news of Moeen’s slip broke, Screechy and Goldibollocks were protesting about something or other and didn’t have Poppy’s on and neither did have the majority of supporters but we won’t make a fuss.

As regular followers of this page will know Screechy, Goldibollocks and the high command have a bit of previous with Poppy’s, the Royal British Legion and the false patriotism that they attach to it. They also have short memories about respect unlike Moeen. These are not made up details they are actual facts.

1. whilst an erstwhile member of the BNP Goldibollocks decided to wear underwear on his head at the cenotaph (rumours of them being Steve Lewis’s are as yet unproven) I haven’t seen Moeen do this as I suspect he thinks this is disrespectful.
2. The biffers try to sell poppy tat. The high command and the shittroopers have peddled their own crappy merchandise despite being asked to stop by the RBL. They didn’t and no money was ever received by the RBL even though the biffer blurb told their sheeple it would. The RBL have also said they wouldn’t take anything from them as they don’t accept donations from a political party. So Screechy and Goldibollocks have pocketed the dosh. There’s a video about too where an old man confronts Goldibollocks and a shittrooper about selling this. Goldibollocks in true biffer style then runs away. I doubt Moeen would have done this as it would be theft and a little disrespectful.
3. Last year Goldibollocks and Screechy sent their shittroopers out to various shopping centres and places where poppy sellers were. They instructed their accomplices to get selfies with the sellers and then posted these on Facebook saying they were guarding them from lefties and Muslims. This caused a such a furore as parents and military cadet organisations to request the removal of the pictures and had to issue statements to the effect of they didn’t know who the biffers were. Moeen I expect would only take selfies with fans of England Cricket, he’d never take selfies to pass them off as guarding pictures as that would be disrespectful.
So there you have it, a misplaced poppy, a foamfest from the cockwombles and racist comments from the bifferati. But there again who is the more disrespectful, Moeen Ali, a cricket player who proudly represents his country or a group of scam artists who rip off the RBL, use kids to further their hate and worship a thundercunt who walks around with y fronts on his head. The decision is yours.

Toodlepip