View from a barstool #44 by Landlord

Beer 2As 2017 comes in and we can at least bid a non-fond farewell to 2016 I was wondering just what this new year had in store for a grumpy, lefty, Muslim apologist landlord. I’ve had a look back at the year just gone, one in which it seems you can bomb the fuck out of somewhere, killing children, and a year that seems to justify fascism.

In Syria bombs continue to rain down on Aleppo, killing indiscriminately. Now I have an admission to make… I’m not particularly up on who’s doing what, where over there. I just can’t stand the fact that a whole bunch of innocent people are being killed by the west, Russia, their own government, Daesh and lack of food. The Biffer trolls’ favourite saying is “they should stay and fight” but fight whom, with what? Should they shoot the odd (not so) smart bomb with catapults?

Brexit has seemed to galvanise the right into thinking bigotry and abuse of anyone slightly off white is acceptable. Twitter and Facebook is awash with so-called celebrities writing statements that over a year ago would have seen them hauled over the coals. It seems that it’s ok to go up to foreign looking chappies and chappesses and tell them to “Fuck off home” even though their home is here. It seems ok to invade places of worship because their god is different to yours. It seems ok to racially abuse people in the street, all because a non-binding referendum seemed to say we hate foreigners.

Brexit send them back T shirt   Walsall halal butcher arson petrol bomb brexit

Well Katie Fucking Hopkins you failed at business, you failed at being a celebrity and you will fail at your pathetic attempts to shock. You see we laugh at you. I don’t care how you voted, as long as the reason wasn’t racial.

2016 also saw the deaths of many celebrities. Now call me a grumpy cuntspangle but I don’t see anyone as better than us, my television is limited to Sky Sports and peppa pig. I’m also someone who as a bar manager at Thorpe Park barred Katy Jordan (or something) as I really didn’t “know who I am” when she screamed at me. However during my formative years I did listen to a lot of Status Quo, a bit of Bowie, read a lot of Richard Adams and loved Star Wars so I am sorry they lost their lives. I also say RIP to all those who lost their lives in senseless wars, so called terrorist attacks or anything else.

The Americans have also managed to get the rest of the world united in a collective facepalm as they voted in a racist buffoon who is both financially and morally bankrupt. Us ‘lefteyes’ better run for cover… fuckwit is coming to town.

And now my favourite part of 2016, the beginning of the end of Bifferdom. They crave publicity and money. They want to be a “legitimate” political party who make all others quake in their boots. They want to outlaw a religion, not as they tell it but because it makes them money. What sort of year have they had? Well it’s been brilliant.

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They’ve got a new camera, Screechy appears to have increased by a cupsize or two, Goldibollocks and Stevie’s waistline seems to have expanded. The two leaders have criminal records, Goldibollocks being interned at her majesty’s pleasure for ignoring a High court injunction and Screechy for bullying a young Muslim lady. They failed to make any inroads in politics. Screechy, Goldibollocks and his mum/family failed even to make a blip on the BBC’S colour chart in the mayoral election. Their conferences and road shows were supported by the same 20 followers, despite having twelvty million likes on Facebook. So the Biffers were a failure too.

As I look now to 2017 what can I expect. Well probably more of the same. Although teetering on the edge of annihilation whilst there is still money to con, the Biffer High command will continue to talk bollocks and fail in almost everything they do. Hopkins will continue to talk shit and no one will listen. Trump will bankrupt the US and the West will continue senseless bombing of countries that might have oil, or pipelines owned in part by media moguls.

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But there is something I saw over the recent festivities, a coming together of all faiths (and none) sticking the proverbial two fingers up at Trump, Fartage, Daesh, Bifferdom, Hopkins et al. The left, centre and centre right all beginning, to use a movie quote to “be excellent to each other”. You see we, the normal non-bigoted people are fed up of all this cuntwaffle from the Nazi far right and have had just as much as we can take.

So I’m not giving up smoking, drinking or meat. My resolution is to be excellent to all. Apart from Biffers they can fuck off.

Toodlepip

A prison romance

This weekend something amazing happened. Big Ali “crusher” Mirza of Bradford had given up all hope of ever finding his true love when he went inside just under 7 years ago. Interviewed a couple of years back for the prison newspaper, ‘Her Majesty’s pleasure’ he said

“It’s all a bit crap really. Even the old geezer in C wing is starting to look pretty damn tasty. Please, somebody, let me shag you.”

BF Battle of Hexthorpe.jpgSkull-crushing runs in Big Ali’s family. His great great grandfather had been an official crusher at the palace of the Tipoo Sultan back in the day before the family immigrated to Britain after the partition. Ali’s 8 year old grandson, Hussain led the victorious defenders in the winning push bike cavalry charge at the Battle of Hexthorpe, forcing the invading Biffers to retreat in terror before the wheels of their tricycles and push bikes fitted with rear war stabilisers.

Where romance is concerned Big Ali’s standards seem to have dropped a bit. His latest flame, Paulie only arrived recently on the wing but the couple hit it off immediately.

ebf-prison“There’s been something missing in my life for the longest time. It’s like a big, gaping hole and Ali filled it” Paulie confided.

“Oh, I filled it, alright.” Big Ali’s eyes twinkled with the nearly indescribable joy of a lag with a green and ever so willing fag, a compliant new bitch to scratch his seven year itch.

“Big Ali’s changed my life.” Paulie admits. “I used to hate Poles but since I met Crusher’s I’ve changed my mind completely”.

As it happens Big Ali isn’t Polish at all. We’ve no idea what Paul meant by that comment.

But it’s not all smooth riding. The couple have turbulent times ahead. Paulie’s only a temporary visitor to the cell block while Big Ali plans to stay where he is for a good while yet. That’s what you get for crushing skulls with your bare hands.

“We’ll miss each other, of course” Says Crusher “but the course of true love never did run smooth.”

We asked Paulie how he felt about their impending seperation.

“Hmmshhpfpfgulp” He said , his face buried in an already remarkably well-chèwed prison issue pillow.

“we haven’t been seperated yet.” Ali butted in.

Our reporter could only agree.

A view from a barstool #43 by Landlord

christmas-beerI have to admit that I was finding it pretty difficult to work out what to write this week, I mean just how much regurgitated shit can you manage to read or hear before getting writers block, until the Christmas present that was the incarceration of Der Fuhrer, so here it is, my take on the best and funniest news we at EBF have had all year.

Goldibollocks, you see, like the rest of his High Command think they are above the law, that when they are arrested, interviewed or confronted by the police that this is a plot by the establishment to silence them and the twelvty million supporters they purport to have. Well Goldibollocks, well Screechy, well shittroopers I have news for you, it’s not. The reason you are harassed, arrested,bailed or confronted is because it’s against the law.

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Now it’s hard not to laugh at them, I know believe me, but trying to be serious for just one paragraph this is a quick résumé of what Goldibollocks did to get banged up. Earlier this year, to great fanfare and video on their page Goldibollocks, Screechy and the shittroopers visited Bury Park in Luton for a Christian patrol. Screechy went batshit crazy and verbally assaulted a young Muslim woman whilst bravely surrounded by the shittroopers and quite rightly Bedfordshire police got miffed about it. Screechy and Goldibollocks were bailed with certain stringent conditions. One of which was not to go into a mosque in the British isles without written permission. When it was time to come to court he played a blinder pled guilty and got a criminal record, Screechy was also hauled up and also got convicted of her part in the Bury Park fiasco. One thing remained though……..no more mosque invasions.

bf-ebf-fransen-golding-luton-courtWhilst Screechy was out of the picture Goldibollocks and some pretty unsavoury activists went to Cardiff and entered a mosque without prior written consent, Goldibollocks says he didn’t go in but he was definitely the unhinged mastermind behind it. Thinking they had got away with it how they laughed. However behind the scenes the authorities decided that bending over and being fisted by the biffers on a weekly basis was pissing them off and hatched a cunning plan. Fast forward to Screechy’s trial and the announcement that Goldibollocks was to be charged for contempt of court. After much hissing and screaming at the establishment Goldibollocks relinquished control of Bifferdom to spend more time with his family. The more cynical amongst us knew this was a blinding legal move on his behalf as he could say he no longer had control.

On Thursday he went to court played a blinder, pled guilty and expected a slap on the wrist. Naughty boy Paul but as we’re so frightened of your online masses and your plethora of MPS, MEPs and councillors we’ll let you out just don’t do it again, was what he, his legal team and the biffer High command thought would happen. By all accounts his bottom lip trembled as he was told you’re going down for eight weeks, 4 suspended. You see Screechy, Goldibollocks and the rest of your tacky insignificant crew people get fucked off with being constantly disobeyed and you went too far.

Now we could go over the top and take the piss more, we could ask that he’s banged up with Muslims, or someone who calls him Pauline, but the others have too much class for that. Instead I’d like him to spend the 4 weeks in solitude, snivelling like the cowardly fuck he is. He won’t have his shittroopers there, no one to hold his hand if someone says something nasty to him.

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I hope prison will break him, make him scared shitless, I hope that he’ll come out chastened by the experience, but I doubt it. In fact if you read comments from biffer towers you’ll see the twats are out and Screechy wants money to appeal. Appeal, fuck off you conning bunch of fucking arseholes. He pled guilty end of.
One of the comments I loved was,

“I bet if it was a Muslim he’d be free.”

To which one of our regulars wrote

“Hmmm, like Choudary.”

So what next for the biffers? Well Screechy will continue with her soapbox, spouting all sorts of absolute garbage, Stevie will continue his one man assault on Gregg’s, the shittroopers will continue to look as menacing as my little ponies and in 4 weeks time a fucked up Goldibollocks will emerge to the waiting throng of twelvty million press and sign a multi million pound deal with Brietbart to screen his life story. In all honesty, we just don’t know. One thing we are sure about is that this will lead to some more conning, a huge amount of racist and religious bigotry and Screechy screeching.

One more thing you can be sure of, once the offices collective hangover goes we’ll be there to fuck them up, we’ll be there to highlight their lies, we’ll be there to highlight their bigotry, we’ll be there to counter their get togethers and we’ll be there to highlight their cons.

But for this weekend I’m getting pissed, and staying pissed. Maybe, just maybe this will curtail their activities and that is something to raise a glass of Babysham to over the Xmas break. Now if you’ll forgive me I’ve got an unopened bottle of expensive Valpollicello to uncork and toast His Honour Judge Moloney for having the bollocks to stand up to the bully.

Toodlepip

Golding’s going down!

bf-paul-golding-prison-1We’ve waited a long time for this news. Sometimes we thought it would never happen. The big celebratory packet of chocolate Hobnobs has sat gathering dust on the EBF office shelf for far too many months, neglected and ignored. Only Kit would occasionally take it down from its place by the Facebook admin rota and stare deep into its plastic wrapping as though willing the chocolate out from between the oaty goodness within.  With the iron determination of a Biffer waiting doggedly for evidence she steeled herself for a long delay before the celebrations could begin. But now she waits no longer.

Today in the High court Paul Golding finally got his cummupance. He’s gone down for 8 weeks. Admittedly it’s not long and he’ll no doubt be out in four but that’s still a fair amount of time for someone who’s never been in prison before. It’s a Hell of a long time for Golding to be without his minders. Not exactly known for his courage Der Fuhrer never goes anywhere without his bodyguards.

He’s hated by the left for being a Nazi. He’s hated by the right for being a scam merchant. He’s hated by Muslims for stirring up trouble. He’s hated by the authorities for his contempt of the law. And he’s all alone without his bouncers. Good luck in there Paulie!

What’s the reason for his awful Christmas and New Year incarceration, I hear you ask? Well – according to Deputy Fuhrer (sorry – acting Fuhrer) Fransen…

Britain First leader Paul Golding has been sent to PRISON for confronting a hate preacher who said it is okay for Muslims to keep sex slaves!

But that’s not strictly true. Actually it’s because he breached a High court injunction forbidding him from entering or encouraging/allowing others to enter any Mosque in England & Wales without prior written invitation. Fransen does eventually admit this but not before attempting to rustle up as much outrage from the sheeple as she could…

Today, at the High Court in London, a judge decreed that this breached the Luton police injunction forced on us a few months ago

It’s also not true that the Imam in question said it’s permissible to keep sex slaves. In fact he was discussing passages from the Quran and placing them in proper context. His conclusion was that it’s actually NOT permissible. The whole Mosque invasion wasn’t just illegal, it was based upon an obvious lie. Golding and his Biffers were well aware of the truth before they set out to Wales that day but as ever for the Biffers – why let the truth get in the way of a good publicity stunt?

Fransen’s rant goes on to complain that Paulie’s poor little life is in danger because of corrupt left wing judges and vicious Muslim gangs running the prisons. You know – the same Muslims who according to Britain First never get convicted of anything, ever because of our corrupt judicial system. We have to wonder what these imaginary Muslim gangs might be doing in British prisons if, as the Biffers never tire of telling us, they never get convicted of anything but that’s for another time.

We do think Goldie might be at risk, but not from Muslim gangs. We think he’s far more likely to be hurt by the genuinely violent underbelly of British culture – middle-aged, white, far-right racists who resent the fact that Golding’s constant begging for money and pointless posturing has starved them of funding. There are plenty of disgruntled EDL in the nick who’d just love to take a pop at Goldibollocks.

Whether he gets hurt or not is a moot point though. The fact is he’ll be shaken by the experience. A tin-pot fascist without his protection is a snivelling little nobody. This sentence sets a precedent that has been a long time coming. The next breach is likely to attract even bigger sentences, even more jail time and it’s hard to imagine that little Paulie will be up for doing any more ‘bird’ in the foreseeable future. Fransen seems to us to be much more courageous (after her infamous loss of confidence in Burton) and we’d expect her to be the next Biffer to go down. Or maybe Lomax for benefit fraud. We’ll have to wait and see about that one.

Either way the writing is finally on the wall for Britain First. They may not know it yet (although we think they do) but we can expect stiffer and stiffer penalties from the establishment from now on.

So with that in mind…

Come on Kit – open those Hobnobs!

Fransen’s failure: Not quite the show trial she’d hoped for

Many of us have long suspected that Jayda Fransen, unlike her cowardly Master, Paul Golding, has deliberately courted legal proceedings as part of her leadership bid. It’s well known that her brief failure of confidence in Dudley lost her Dowson’s support, effectively destroying her hopes of the Britain First Fuhrership, at least for a while.  After Dudley’s failed demonstration Jayda disappeared for several weeks, presumably licking her wounds and nursing her injured pride but then she returned with a vengeance. Since then she’s clearly and deliberately baited the police and the courts, refused to answer Bail (whilst her brave Master consistently turned up like the puppy he is) and even now posts videos of Luton Muslims on line in contravention of a court order. She’s even risking prosecution for attempting to pervert the course of justice by proclaiming her biased version of events online prior to the trial date.

BF Jayda Fransen court trial Luton give them hell.pngIt may not immediately be obvious to all EBF readers just what Fransen might be trying to achieve with all this conspicuous law-breaking. To us it’s clear – she’s copying her ideological predecessor just as she does in so many other of her policies and behaviours. Jayda has borrowed many speeches and key phrases from Hitler, Goering and Streicher in the past. Now she’s trying to recreate Hitler’s famous show-trial of 1924.

She’s even promised to “Give them Hell in court”, clearly planning to imitate former corporal Hitler who used his three-day trial to unite the fractured German right under Nazism.

We’re always sorry to disillusion people, especially when they’ve staked their entire career on flawed logic but we think it’s important for Jayda’s own sake that she has a clear idea both of the judicial and the political reality before she carries out her ill-advised attempt to give anybody Hell. Presumably she won’t want to add contempt of court to the three charges she’s already facing. Far from making her a nationally recognised political martyr the result is likely to make her an even bigger joke and loser than she is already.

Here’s why Jayda’s appearance before the beak will be nothing like Hitler’s ideological triumph after the failed November Putsch…

Hitler was already well-known

beer-hall-putsch-hitler-1923Adolf Hitler had been working away at uniting the far right for many years by the time he appeared in court. Starting as an unknown speaker in Munich’s beer halls his personal charisma and compelling prowess as an impassioned public-speaker had been drawing huge crowds for years. He had the support of at least two major paramilitary groups, (the Brown shirts and the Steel helmets) and was a regular guest of Berlin’s political and financial high society. This ability to mix with people from all backgrounds, together with his oratory skill made him a household name.

Fransen is a little-known wannabe fascist who can’t manage more than a hundred or so listeners at rallies, even when they’ve been planned and advertised for months. Britain First’s recent national conference in London involved only 25 people from the whole of the UK.  Hitler’s offence, The Beer Hall Putsch involved several hundred of his followers, hastily organised and sufficiently dedicated to drop everything at their leader’s beck and call. Fransen has no such network of willing footsoldiers, no senior political contacts and no sympathy within the judiciary. The context for Jayda’s hearing in Luton is very different from Hitler’s.

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Hitler had senior contacts

By the time of his trial in 1924 Adolf Hitler had wormed his way into the drawing rooms and private clubs of some of the Weimar republic’s most influential ‘movers and shakers’. The best Fransen has been able to manage is to act as ‘marketing totty’ for terrorist-sympathiser, Jim Dowson to make a fast few quid out of gullible British fash.

The judges were sympathetic to Nazism from the outset

Following the almost impossibly hard terms of the Treaty of Versailles in 1919 the German people struggled with starvation, unbelievably rapid inflation and almost impossible conditions of life. Extreme politics were commonplace and both the far left and the far right had formed violent militia, sometimes hundreds of thousands strong, resulting in genuine running battles on German streets. Centrist politics were being squeezed out and most citizens found themselves having to choose between one extreme or the other, if only because everyone else was becoming increasingly impotent.

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Brown-shirted SA (Storm division) militiamen were hastily mobilised in support of Hitler’s Beer Hall Putsch in November 1923

In modern UK no such polarisation applies. There are no armed, uniformed militia terrorising UK streets and our judges and magistrates don’t need to favour any extremes at all.

Hitler was a charismatic speaker

The few televised clips regularly trotted out on popular TV documentaries don’t really do justice to Hitler’s oratory. He was more than just the shouty man so regularly portrayed on our TV screens. Eyewitness accounts make clear the immense preparation that went into Hitler’s versatility as a speaker. He would build in cadence and volume, gradually becoming more and more flamboyant as his oratory rose to crescendo after crescendo, each one punctuating a speech that itself built relentlessly in tempo and passion until he almost hypnotized the audience be it one thousand or one hundred thousand strong.

Fransen by comparison appears hesitant, nervous and occasionally apologetic whenever she takes to the stage. Even her video rants on ‘Jayda’s soapbox’ are amateurish by comparison. She’s no orator and she’s no potential leader of a new British Reich. If Jayda tries to eulogise for some bygone Britain the way that Hitler used his trial to mourn a lost Germany, she’ll very quickly either shut up or be done for contempt of court. This is to be a court appearance – not a political rally.

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Hitler’s crime mattered to the average man in the street

Adolf Hitler had assembled several hundred armed veterans and surrounded a Munich beer hall. They had taken hostage members of the political and aristocratic elite (including nationally respected war hero, General Erich Ludendorff) and genuinely planned to overthrow the German government. That’s a serious crime attracting serious media coverage.

judges-gavelJayda Fransen is rude, bigoted and brazen but she really hasn’t done anything to come close to her uncle Adolf’s attempted Putsch.

Basically the Deputy Fuhrer of Britain first might believe she’s being clever by taking on the establishment in the political show-trial of the century but actually she’s just going to be one more ‘business as usual’ prosecution in a minor Magistrates’ court that really doesn’t give two hoots about her plans. The magistrates are just there to uphold the law, whether Fransen likes it or not.

Rightwingers, learn your history!

The irony meter explodes again

Where do we begin? This is so ridiculous it’s low even by Biffer standards.

Yes, we know – Biffers rely upon the ignorance of their followers. They know very well that few Britain First followers will know the first thing about medieval history and so they’ll just take their ‘facts’ on face value.

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We thought it might be interesting to create our own version. What do you think?

ebf historical meme

By the time WW2 finally ended the Nazis had conquered two-thirds of the prison cells at Nuremberg!

Paulie and Dutchy will soon be following their Nazi leaders into prison. Not long now, Biffers!

Serving justice

Last month Paul Golding and Jayda Fransen, Leader and Deputy leader of Britain First were issued with an interim injunction in the High Court. This forbade them from doing various things including inciting racial or religious hatred and distributing material by electronic or other means likely to incite such hatred.

They have continued to do exactly that,in spite of the injunction.

EBF imprison Paul Golding Jayda Fransen

Ignoring the ruling of the High Court is a very serious offence. It can result in several years imprisonment.

Exposing Britain First believes that the time has come. These neonazis have been inciting racial and religious hatred, radicalising ordinary Brits and generally causing unrest and division within our society for years. Now the time has come to stop them.

We call upon the courts to send a message to Britain First and other neonazi groups by handing out the sentence that these two so richly deserve.

Send them down!

Paul Golding Jayda Fransen prison bars jail