Although little more than a child, Jake Elstone has big dreams. He got into ‘politics’ a couple of years ago when he followed his cousin, Paul Golding into the family business and became a fascist. From his early Biffer beginnings as a glorified Britain First tea boy he quickly rose through (or rather bypassed) the ranks to become part of the Biffers’ laughable National Executive Committee. This is the nerve centre of British fascism, the operational HQ of the party that wants to take our country back from whoever they think might have stolen it. The committee includes such intellectual heavyweights as Steve “Pieman” Lewis, John “Nazi” Percivaldi and of course Paul “Der Fuhrer” Golding himself. With that sort of intellectual pedigree on offer young Jake should fit right in.
So far as IQ goes he’s ranked somewhere between ‘Walt wrangler’, Robin Lomax and ‘Intelligence officer’, Paul Besser. That just about puts him on a par with BF ‘Chief of Facebook’, Anthony Blunn (along with most of the planet’s microbial population). With this sort of genius leading the operation it’s no wonder that the rest of London’s candidates are so frightened. And make no mistake – they are frightened.
We know they are because Jake’s ‘cuz’ told us so – repeatedly at demonstrations across the land (until he had to answer bail because he’d been naughty).
Undeterred, young Jake has put himself forward (along with several relatives and most of his Aunty Christine’s neighbours) as a candidate for the London Assembly.
Far be it from us here at Exposing Britain First to criticise a young man in his early twenties for having ambition. We think it’s good and Cousin Fuhrer must be very proud of him and cousin Nancy for taking on such massive odds. But we do wonder what the presence of so many of Golding’s mother’s offspring and neighbours means for ‘the only party to confront Islamic extremism’.
London’s a big place with literally millions of people eligible to stand as candidates for its prestigious assembly.
Is this really the best they could do? Maybe Bexley just has an unusually high incidence of political masterminds, most of whom seem regularly to enjoy a nice cup of tea and a chocolate digestive round at ‘Nazi Christine’s’ house.
Perhaps they’re not quite as popular in the capital as they’d have us believe.