Biffers, Islamists, God and me

I’m not really very religious but I thought perhaps I should have a little word in God’s shell-like. Too much stuff didn’t make any sense. So I sat down in a quiet room with curtains drawn and meditative candles duly lit, all set to talk to my maker.

It wasn’t a long conversation but it seemed to straighten a few things out for me. It went like this…

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I saw the news today… Oh boy!

It seems that there’s another horror story, another scandal, another illustration of inhumanity every day. The front pages of our daily newspapers are replete with stories, some true and some ‘post-truth’ (AKA outright lies), often with lengthy accompanying editorials telling us what to think, what to believe and crucially… who to hate.

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Sometimes it’s really easy for news outlets. Editors pick and choose the targets of their righteous anger according to simple protocols depending upon their paper’s particular bias. The well-known algorithm of ‘if brown – terrorist’ and ‘if white – mentally ill loner’ is both obvious and depressingly common. For those of us who follow the ridiculously partisan pronouncements of far-right neoNazi groups like Britain First the ammunition these superficial and formulaic headlines and editorials provide for right wing ‘post-truthers’ like the Biffers is a source of continual irritation.

Britain First’s social media outlets (of which there are many) are stuffed with generalisations about all Muslims based upon a minority of paedophiles or Islamic terror groups who are far more likely to murder other Muslims than anyone else, so unpopular are they within the wider Islamic world.  None the less, international terrorism remains a favourite propaganda topic for the Biffers.

The other really big propaganda bonanza for Britain First is paedophilia. They just love the opportunity to expose paedophiles from the Muslim or immigrant communities. The browner the skin the greater the offence, it seems. The more Islamic the name the greater the likelihood that it’s a paedophile ring (even when there’s absolutely no evidence of any such clandestine group). Britain First claims to hate Muslims because it hates paedophiles. They would have you believe that their outrage at paedophilia came first and they only focus upon Muslims because Muslims do all the interfering with children. Really? Well, in that case…

ebf-football-paedophile-ringWhat will they make of this?

Will the Biffers be organising demonstrations outside Leeds FC? Can we expect to see Dutchy Fransen giving impassioned speeches about the evils of Football outside Blackpool’s Bloomfield Road ground or harassing the other 53 British clubs with large Biffer-banners demanding “No more football”? After all, you can’t get much more organised than a paedophile ring that draws its victims from 55 established UK football clubs, can you? That’s 55 local organisations spread throughout the country, each with a youth wing and legitimate reasons to expect children to undress and shower together in the company of perverted adult youth leaders.

We look forward to seeing the reception that half a dozen sad Biffers get when they confront the fans of a large city football club with the accusation that “They’re all the same”.

So come on Dutchy. You might as well. After all you’re banned from entering British Mosques. Let’s see how you get on with this truly massive example of organised child exploitation. If it’s really the kids you care about (and not skin colour or religion) there shouldn’t be any reason to avoid taking on the FA. We suggest you begin with Chelsea. That way you won’t even have to cross the M25 to make your heroic point about the dangers of organised paedophilia. Or maybe you could go to Sunderland – we’re sure you’d be most welcome up there.

We can see it now. A handful of brave Bifferati descending upon Sunderland’s ‘Stadium of light’, waving their banners and flags to the timeless mantras…

“No more football!”

“Ban the Penalty shoot-out!”

“It could be anyone in that Director’s box!”

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A view from a barstool #41 by Landlord

Beer 2Another week where the wife thinks I’m running off to Barbados with our barmaid as right wing hilarity reigns supreme. An even more right wing idiot takes over at UKRAP, the man in charge of Brexit says Britain will pay to be part of the single market even though the whole idea of leaving was to send no more money. There was another begging letter from our favourite wankpuffins, new policies have emerged from the same spunktrumpets and the biffers’ favourite ‘fair-minded’ news output lost one of it major backer’s. I really must read and listen to the right wing shenanigans whilst said barmaid is off.
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So to sum up the biffers week… There was a day of inaction in Nuneaton where, according to Screechy loads of locals turned up to support them although this was not borne out in fact or by empirical evidence. Even their own tired old video, with patriotic music and Screechy commentating showed a complete lack of interest. It showed the same old activists turning up to give out leaflets about some crap or other and trying to force their toilet paper on bemused Christmas shoppers. We at EBF felt for the activists so much we were thinking of having a whip round to buy them a few cardboard cutouts so they in turn could go and get some shopping done.
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There seems to be a deafening silence and lack of action outside the FA over the latest cases of child abuse. All here are sickened by any abuse from whatever race or religion, but the deafening silence from over at biffer high command just shows them for the hypocrites they are.
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I noticed they have a roadshow in the southeast, in Rotherhithe to be exact. The Lefty Landlord mafia don’t hold much truck over there leading me to believe it’s a hive of right wing activity and therefore  we can’t try to harass and cajole venues to kick them out. I believe 107 people have expressed an interest in going but I think after Screechy and her “security” turn up the number will be closer to that of which my 4 year old daughter can count up to comfortably. I could be wrong but I won’t be too far out.
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Whilst our erstwhile patriots are there they can partake in a buffet, a social afterwards and listen to Screechy talk shit about her favourite subject. Oh yes, and there is one other thing… This great, legitimate political party, you know the one with no MP’s no MEP’s, councillors or any other elected officials, is going to discuss their policies. Well I say policies – more like a racist diatribe that basically means any lefteyes, or Tories (leftwards according to them) will be rated as traitors and not tolerated in bifferdom. I won’t go through them all as the barmaid has returned but here’s a few of their unbudgeted, racist bollocks.
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Disbar followers of the Islamic ideology from holding public office, anyone found to be promoting the ideology of Islam to be deported or imprisoned.
Remove the right of choice for females.
Replace the present multi faith educational system with a predominant focus on Christianity and so on.
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Racist cuntwaffle is how I see it, reminiscent of policies see in 1930’s Germany.
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NEW YORK, NY – JUNE 25: A general view of atmosphere during the Kellogg’s Recharge Bar on June 25, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Cindy Ord/Getty Images)

The final part of their policies lead me quite nicely on to Brietbart losing Kellogg’s as a sponsor and advertiser citing that Kellogg’s do not stand for the right wing mantra spewed by Brietbart. In reply to that Brietbart instead of talking to Kellogg’s chucked their toys out of the pram. I urge all of you to buy Kellogg’s products or at least leave a review on their pages. Brietbart if you are not aware are one of the biffers favourite news  sources and certainly fly very close to lying about Islam and anything slightly liberal. Which, in the case of biffers and their final policy, making it a crime to publish lies in the media will be totally laughable as any of their sources can be picked apart pretty rapidly to leave the prisons full of hacks.

Well that’s it in a nutshell. Laughable, stupid, dangerous, hypocritical and full of shit. That is how I see the biffers. Now I must take my leave I’ve been instructed by the landlady it’s time to decorate the pub and make it all christmassy. I don’t agree, but that’s because I’m a grumpy bugger not because I’m anti Christmas. Also my Muslim mate has agreed to help so there is no issue there.
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Toodlepip
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Jayda discusses her show trial

bf-jayda-fransen-discussing-show-trial-lutonIt wasn’t a show trial, you stupid bint. It was a run of the mill, common or garden hearing in a Magistrates court to deal with a petty criminal.

I watched your video. You didn’t discuss the trial at all – not in any way that made sense.

You showed an edited video making it look like the other party started it.

Why don’t you show us the beginning? You know – the part where you single out the woman because she’s white and that goes against your small-minded idea of what Muslims should look like. Why not show us that part?

Why don’t you show yourself crossing the road to have a go at her in front of her kids?

Why don’t you just come clean and admit that you’re a great big fuck up – just like all the rest of Britain First?

You won’t do that because you’re just a liar. You and your arse-wipe leader, Golding. He’s a liar too. I was amazed at how many of your lies EBF has exposed when I started reading back through their blog and the Facebook memes of yours they’ve shown up. That’s why it’s so great to have been asked to join them. I can help put the final few nails on your coffins, you fuck-witted, neonazi scumbags.

In your video you soon stop talking about the trial altogether. No surprise there – there’s nothing you can say that won’t show you up for the sulky, whiney child you really are. So you go on to talk about the judge instead. If you thought that would make you less whiney, you’re wrong. It just makes you look even more stupid… and whiney.

Face it Jayda – you fucked up, you got caught, you have to take the shit that comes with it. That’s the British legal system.

If you don’t like our laws, Dutchy…. Fuck off back to Holland!

It’s a boy!

stork and babyA few days ago I made hubby the happiest man in the world. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t unhappy to begin with and I know he loves our two girls to pieces but last Tuesday morning something altogether different happened. Last Tuesday I gave him a son. I thought Hubby was going to burst when he first held our gorgeous, perfect little boy. Now he’ll have an excuse to buy trainsets and airfix models and pretend it’s ‘just for the lad, you know’.

Forgive the lack of baby photographs or other details that might be used to identify our family but you all know what it’s like. This is a happy time for us and I’m not about to let anyone spoil it with protests against mixed marriages or any other Biffer nonsense about brown Muslim men ‘stealing’ white British women away from proud, patriotic white blokes. Nobody stole me. I love my beautiful brown man but even if I didn’t, there’s no way I’d be interested in the racist Neanderthals of Britain First anyway.

But enough of them. I promised Hubby I wouldn’t let myself get too distracted by racist cockwombles now that we have a brand new human to care for. One thing that’s become really obvious over the last few months is that life is too beautiful to waste worrying about immature hate-mongers like Dutchy and Der Fuhrer. I’ve promised team EBF that I’ll still write the odd piece for them. In truth I don’t think I’ll be able to resist, especially now that I won’t be working for a while. But I won’t be writing anything like as regularly as I used to.

But as I sit here with my feet up in front of the telly, a tiny, warm little person snuggling in to my neck and shoulder I can’t help but wonder about the sort of world my little boy will inherit. There’s so much hatred to be overcome right now – especially hatred toward children both here in UK and across the channel in France. I’m reminded of a verse from one of my favourite songs… ‘The night I heard Caruso sing’ by ‘Everything but the girl’.

“I thought of having children but I’ve gone and changed my mind
It’s hard enough to watch the news, let alone explain it to a child
To cast your eye across nature, over fields of rape and corn
And tell him without flinching not to fear where he’s been born”

I’m determined that my three children will grow up knowing how to love, not how to hate.

Maybe it’s time to think about a different song. This one’s by the Beatles…

“All you need is love”

View from a barstool #38 by Landlord

Beer 2A Screechy special

A lot on at Landlord towers as my eldest daughter dumped her boyfriend after he called me a lefty do gooder and a Muslim appeaser. She found out he was a biffer and promptly told him where to go. The youngest son is being marched to the local mosque during the half term break after calling Fatima a fat Paki bomber and although said in the heat of the moment he realises that I or my wife won’t stand for this and time for him to learn.

By now you will have seen the latest begging email for Screechy’s defence at her forthcoming witch hunt sorry court case. This email was funny it has the landlady thinking I’m close to running off with the barmaid as I chuckle long into the night. This being so I’ve decided that this week’s blog will be all about the harridan and not the way the publicity seeking biffers would like.

The Email starts and immediately my chuckles begin. She is according to the high command “an extraordinary woman” and asks whether I have ever seen a young lady with more courage, bravery and guts as our Screechy? Well Goldibollocks yes I have. From Florence Nightingale, the suffragettes, the women who fought in the world wars and those since then. The doctors and nurses, cleaners and all those in the NHS, The policewomen putting themselves on the front line (usually keeping the peace when fucknuggets like Britain First come to town.) Fire women who help keep us safe and the female members of our armed forces and the lady who lives down the road who’s husband died leaving her with four kids. Instead of turning to the welfare state she has two jobs and looks knackered all the time. These are examples of extraordinary women not someone who’s sole aim is bigotry and conning money out of people to keep her lifestyle.

Paragraph two, pass me the gag, she has been abused by the police while confronting Anjem which is so far away from the truth. She confronted him for the publicity, when she knew Choudary couldn’t say anything because of his bail condition she also turns up with her shittroopers. This isn’t brave this is cowardly. The Email goes on that she is harassed by anti terrorist police (send me a number for a divorce lawyer quick) now forgive me for this but in this world of terrorism I’m pretty sure that the security services have better things to do than harass cockwombles.

It continues, “now the corrupt PCC’s are dragging her into court with the intention of jail time.” Again forgive me for laying it straight but if you don’t break the law of this land you won’t be prosecuted or face jail time.

The edict from biffer high command then goes on to list her crimes and although we’ve covered them before I’ll laugh my way through them.

Firstly, the aggravated racial harassment, to which biffer high command says Screechy was attacked first. Now I’ve seen the videos, both of them, and even the biffers own heavily edited video appears to bear out the fact that the abuse stemmed from one person and one person only, again flanked by her shittroopers and bodyguards she appears to abuse a women and when the woman starts to own her she cries abuse. Again not courageous but cowardly.

I notice that the other two charges aren’t listed on there, could it be she may plead guilty to wearing a political uniform bravely capitulating like her beloved Fuhrer. And not answering to her bail conditions which she so bravely ripped up in front of a camera then found out she was in breach and defiantly pleaded not guilty to.

So the to the crux of the email. Not five, not seven and a ‘alf not even ten but can you focus a favour and give us fifteen faaaaaaasand paaaaaands because you are getting fucked off with us and fings are so expensive nowadays. I mean Screechy might have to get a job if you don’t.

The Email asks me if I ever knew of a more courageous woman. I’ll leave it up to you to decide but in all my years I’ve never known a bigger coward, and hopefully a jailed, humbled coward at that. I started off in EBF feeling rather sorry for Screechy but that has changed to almost, and I stress almost, a dislike.

So that’s it, I’ve come through this week I’m not sure about the divorce but as our legal fund is bare could you please send hobnobs, midget gems, pot noodles and Marmite to us just in case. We don’t like to ask but hey why not?

Toodlepip

View from a barstool #36 by Landlord

Beer 2Another week of looking at the biffer page, another week of thinking I’m in a time warp. Watching the latest videos they’ve posted, well I say watching, I don’t watch them I just read the résumé that the other admins write I really believe that whoever is in charge of the asylum has barricaded themselves in Biffer Towers and changed the passwords to the account.

The recent trip to Oldham which,according to the high command, is a no go zone for white Christians passed off quietly apart from squealing bagpipes and,it appears, total disinterest by shoppers. A video was posted of Goldibollocks using a microphone to talk to a couple few so called islamists or peaceful shopping Muslims as I like to call them. Could it be people who are anti biffer or even pro biffer cannot be arsed anymore and treat the cockwombles with indifference. Once again the same twatwafflers were there, Goldibollocks’ shit troopers and a couple of activists that we have all seen before. So much for their “we have faaasands of new activists signing up.”

The latest begging email was an absolute hoot. Please can you “chip in” to enable us to pay to replace a camera after one of our activists had our usual one broken in a deadly attack by a radical islamist outside the East London Mosque, you know the one, a kick aimed at the retreating, rampaging biffers fleeing because they decided to be cuntish trying to stop prayers…..and the kicker, despite being caught on camera has never been caught (our moley even intimated that it was one of their own missing a Muslim). Anyway I digress, this camera according to the high command is £995. Surely they can’t think their sheep are that stupid and would check, but no, we did it for them, and it only costs half of what they asked. In fact, since I have been an admin for just over a year I have done a quick add up and apart from election funds, they have asked for just shy of quarter of a million quid. I would ask you all if you had any ideas where the money has gone but I can guess the response.

Finally, now we have replenished our hobnob stocks, I wonder what ideas you all have about the location of the next day of inaction. Answers will probably not be rewarded with Hobnobs but treated for the comedy value they normally are.

So that’s it, week over and I’m hoping that when I look at my calendar it will show I’m still in 2016 and not in the early noughties

Toodlepip