A view from a barstool #43 by Landlord

christmas-beerI have to admit that I was finding it pretty difficult to work out what to write this week, I mean just how much regurgitated shit can you manage to read or hear before getting writers block, until the Christmas present that was the incarceration of Der Fuhrer, so here it is, my take on the best and funniest news we at EBF have had all year.

Goldibollocks, you see, like the rest of his High Command think they are above the law, that when they are arrested, interviewed or confronted by the police that this is a plot by the establishment to silence them and the twelvty million supporters they purport to have. Well Goldibollocks, well Screechy, well shittroopers I have news for you, it’s not. The reason you are harassed, arrested,bailed or confronted is because it’s against the law.


Now it’s hard not to laugh at them, I know believe me, but trying to be serious for just one paragraph this is a quick résumé of what Goldibollocks did to get banged up. Earlier this year, to great fanfare and video on their page Goldibollocks, Screechy and the shittroopers visited Bury Park in Luton for a Christian patrol. Screechy went batshit crazy and verbally assaulted a young Muslim woman whilst bravely surrounded by the shittroopers and quite rightly Bedfordshire police got miffed about it. Screechy and Goldibollocks were bailed with certain stringent conditions. One of which was not to go into a mosque in the British isles without written permission. When it was time to come to court he played a blinder pled guilty and got a criminal record, Screechy was also hauled up and also got convicted of her part in the Bury Park fiasco. One thing remained though……..no more mosque invasions.

bf-ebf-fransen-golding-luton-courtWhilst Screechy was out of the picture Goldibollocks and some pretty unsavoury activists went to Cardiff and entered a mosque without prior written consent, Goldibollocks says he didn’t go in but he was definitely the unhinged mastermind behind it. Thinking they had got away with it how they laughed. However behind the scenes the authorities decided that bending over and being fisted by the biffers on a weekly basis was pissing them off and hatched a cunning plan. Fast forward to Screechy’s trial and the announcement that Goldibollocks was to be charged for contempt of court. After much hissing and screaming at the establishment Goldibollocks relinquished control of Bifferdom to spend more time with his family. The more cynical amongst us knew this was a blinding legal move on his behalf as he could say he no longer had control.

On Thursday he went to court played a blinder, pled guilty and expected a slap on the wrist. Naughty boy Paul but as we’re so frightened of your online masses and your plethora of MPS, MEPs and councillors we’ll let you out just don’t do it again, was what he, his legal team and the biffer High command thought would happen. By all accounts his bottom lip trembled as he was told you’re going down for eight weeks, 4 suspended. You see Screechy, Goldibollocks and the rest of your tacky insignificant crew people get fucked off with being constantly disobeyed and you went too far.

Now we could go over the top and take the piss more, we could ask that he’s banged up with Muslims, or someone who calls him Pauline, but the others have too much class for that. Instead I’d like him to spend the 4 weeks in solitude, snivelling like the cowardly fuck he is. He won’t have his shittroopers there, no one to hold his hand if someone says something nasty to him.

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I hope prison will break him, make him scared shitless, I hope that he’ll come out chastened by the experience, but I doubt it. In fact if you read comments from biffer towers you’ll see the twats are out and Screechy wants money to appeal. Appeal, fuck off you conning bunch of fucking arseholes. He pled guilty end of.
One of the comments I loved was,

“I bet if it was a Muslim he’d be free.”

To which one of our regulars wrote

“Hmmm, like Choudary.”

So what next for the biffers? Well Screechy will continue with her soapbox, spouting all sorts of absolute garbage, Stevie will continue his one man assault on Gregg’s, the shittroopers will continue to look as menacing as my little ponies and in 4 weeks time a fucked up Goldibollocks will emerge to the waiting throng of twelvty million press and sign a multi million pound deal with Brietbart to screen his life story. In all honesty, we just don’t know. One thing we are sure about is that this will lead to some more conning, a huge amount of racist and religious bigotry and Screechy screeching.

One more thing you can be sure of, once the offices collective hangover goes we’ll be there to fuck them up, we’ll be there to highlight their lies, we’ll be there to highlight their bigotry, we’ll be there to counter their get togethers and we’ll be there to highlight their cons.

But for this weekend I’m getting pissed, and staying pissed. Maybe, just maybe this will curtail their activities and that is something to raise a glass of Babysham to over the Xmas break. Now if you’ll forgive me I’ve got an unopened bottle of expensive Valpollicello to uncork and toast His Honour Judge Moloney for having the bollocks to stand up to the bully.


We’re not the PC police

In a recent post I referred to Fuhrer Golding as ‘The fat controller’, in reference to the station master from the ‘Thomas the Tank Engine’ series of children’s books. This was one of several tongue in cheek references to ‘der Fuhrer’ in a short post that was very definitely intended to laugh at the pompous would-be leader of the ‘Master race’. 

A few of EBF’s Facebook commenters have objected to my reference to him being ‘fat’. Presumably they’ve fallen for the superficial, stereotypical view of anti-fascists propounded by the far-right. So please allow me to explain…

I do not represent the thought police. Nor am I particularly interested in presenting a politically correct veneer in my writing. I oppose fascism and neo-nazism. That doesn’t mean I go around censoring myself all the time. It just means I oppose neonazism and fascism.
I believe my predecessor might have been a little more careful in this respect but I’m not her. Nor do I agree (as one commenter suggested) that editorial humour makes me as bad as those who would torture and exterminate whole swathes of the population for being the ‘wrong’ colour, religion or political persuasion.

EBF exists to combat fascism. We do find some insults unacceptable, particularly those pertaining to disabilities or ethnic groups but we’re not the thought police and we do have a sense of humour.

Sorry about that.


You have to laugh

From time to time people comment on EBF’s Facebook, Twitter, Vimeo or other social media platforms that we shouldn’t use humour when exposing Britain First’s bullshit. The argument usually goes something like this…Kennels First KF logo

  1. Britain First is a horrible organisation
  2. The threat Britain First poses is very serious
  3. So laughing at Britain First is inappropriate
  4. Laughing at Britain First cheapens the argument against them
  5. When EBF laughs at Britain First we sink down to their level
  6. So we should only post serious things.

This blog post is our response to people who want to suck the humour out of what we do.

First – this is our campaign. It’s up to us how we run it and we appreciate that most of you are part of our HUGE team. But – that said, there’s no harm in explaining ourselves from time to time so here goes…

1 Britain First is a horrible organisation

Too right it is. We know that because we spend hours every day trawling through the sick, twisted comments on their website and dealing with BF trolls in the inbox and on the EBF media pages. Yes – we know how vile Britain First is. What’s your point?

2 The threat Britain First poses is very serious

Of course – why do you think we invest so much of our time, for free to combat them? Why do you think we put ourselves and our families at very real risk from these violent neonazis by doing what we do? What’s your point?

3  So laughing at Britain First is inappropriate

EBF BF Far right Fuck off ecardDon’t make us laugh. Britain First is a bunch of vicious, small-minded, antisocial, uneducated thugs led by pompous oafs who take themselves far too seriously. Laughter and ridicule have long been recognised as effective weapons against that sort of self-important fuckwittery. Anyway – when you spend so much time exposed to their disgusting malice a little humour is vital.

Humour is also extremely good as a medium on social media. Humorous posts get shared. They get viewed by people who haven’t the time to read our reasoned blog posts and infographics (we provide plenty of those too). EBF isn’t about intellectualism – it’s about exposing. We want to expose the fash to as many decent Brits as possible.

Humour is way more effective than long-winded explanation in reaching a wide audience.

Some people like (and share) humour. For others it’s lengthy articles. Still more prefer obscenities. We try to cater to all. If you think humourous posts are beneath you then we say bully for you. But EBF is about wide social media coverage. It’s not about you.

EBF Bear BF rabbit shit in the woods4 Laughing at Britain First cheapens the argument against them

Stop being so bloody pompous. If we don’t use humour we lose over half our audience. Social media’s like that. Funny memes work. As we said above – this is about awareness-raising. It’s not about pleasing you, personally.

5 When EBF laughs at Britain First we sink down to their level

If you really believe that laughing at Jayda’s latest hair extension or taking the piss out of Stevie Lewis’ inability to stay upright is as bad as calling for the widespread slaughter of civilians then you really don’t have the intellectual wherewithal to understand serious posts anyway. Get over yourself.

6 We should only post serious things

Get over yourself (again). Are you really saying that we should ignore the needs of most of our audience just because you prefer to live in a humourless world. That really is too pompous and self-important for words.

Humour works – would you really want us to stop using our most effective awareness raising tool just to appease you? We think that raising awareness and making it harder for our Muslim neighbours to be victimised is more important than pandering to the humourless.

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PS – Some people might think this blog post is a little too strongly worded

Tough! If you think this can be done better without humour you’re welcome to try. We’ll support any page that attempts to combat Britain First. Start it up and send us the URL – we’ll promote your humourless page to our own followers if you like. But this is our platform and we use humour because it works. Not only that…

The biffers hate it!  😉

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