​A view from a barstool #31 by Landlord

A hot week at Landlord central this week as our British weather finally realises it’s summer and the bright yellow speedos come out to play. I am reliably informed that this heat has been sent by Europe so biffers, kippers  and brexiteers please move to a cold area where you don’t have to sample the EU weather.

The news in brief, the government have decided to strip apart the human rights act, the French have gone apoplectic about a swimsuit of choice, the big breweries have hiked beer prices and in the US Trump met Farage for a kind of Racist get together, oh and a beardy sat on the floor of a train as there were/weren’t any seats left depending on your persuasion.

So to the news about biffers. Well mosque invasions, begging mail, old videos, the continuing absence of Screechy and the odd biffer troll accusing the admins of the page of being Muslims who are brainwashing readers of the page to our wicked ways( I’m sitting here with a particularly fruity Merlot and a bacon butty so by all means be brainwashed by me. Call the police I’m obviously radicalising you all).

Last week, Goldibollocks, and a team of shittroopers visited Cardiff to invade a mosque, demanding with menace, that a cleric stops preaching something that was debunked easily. They seem to visit on a Saturday, nowhere near prayer time when nobody is about apart from elderly gents going about mosque business. Needless to say, we have sent this information to the authorities as this appears to be in flagrant disregard of the conditions set up and accepted by Goldibollocks by the court.

The latest begging mails are nothing but hilarious, they seem to have forgotten Screechy’s legal fund and now requesting money for leaflets as they are getting more activists, although we have only seen the same racists in every picture or video. They could be coming to a town near you soon so please keep your cameras handy and send them to us.

The biggest question in the office, well not the biggest, ok my question, in actual fact no one cares but Marcia told me I have to ask it, where’s Screechy. Please can everyone look down the back of the sofa, under the bed(cringe). It seems like the biffer pin up has put a piece of tape over her gob and gone into hiding. I believe, and it’s my opinion only, that she was close to a coup, close to deposing der fuhrer, but Goldibollocks got in first and left her fucked. First he pled guilty to his charge, told her not to and left her facing jail time, secondly his high command have stopped begging for legal costs. It’s now all about him.

Finally we were visited by a cat, accusing us of being Muslims, being a one man band, radicalising you guys. Just about everything the biffer trolls do in several attacks. Just to reiterate we are several, atheists, Muslims, Christians, agnostic and human. We believe bigotry in all forms is wrong. So when we get trolls like the one we had we laugh, smile for screenshots and wait for “la grande flounce”

So that’s it for now, another week over and the barmaid has put another bottle next to me to enjoy.

Toodlepip

Thankyou so much, Britain First

OK – we were mistaken. We admit it. Mea Culpa. We got it wrong.

All this time we’ve believed that Britain First was a racist, bigoted organisation run by leaders who were more interested in profit than politics. We thought Golding and Fransen were really just bumbling political lightweights with no clue how to influence anything beyond the few hundred genuine followers lurking among the bought likes and foreign (non-voting) fundamentalists who egged them on.

How wrong we were

It seems that Paul and Jayda were being far more subtle than that. Their task wasn’t to spearhead the rise of fascism in the UK after all. They had an altogether different agenda. Britain First was set up to stop fascism – yes, that’s right – it’s not a typo.

Britain First exists purely to discredit UKIP!

ebf bf ge2015 jayda ukip interview farage is toast

Think about it….

When Britain First began UKIP was just beginning to be noticed after around 20 years in the political wilderness. Nobody had really heard of Farage’s little bunch of nationalists until then. What’s worse – with the austerity programme already biting hard they were even starting to attract some support. Something had to be done.

That ‘something’ was Britain First!

What better way to expose the awful truth behind UKIP than to satirise it? The British people have always loved satire and Britain First really has been comedy gold. The Golding & Fransen show could have rivalled any comic double act and therein lay their success.

These comedic geniuses satirised racism and religious intolerance so thoroughly that the name ‘Britain First’ is now synonymous with bigotry and small-minded stupidity throughout the land. They made their brand toxic to voters and then…

A stroke of political genius

They associated themselves with UKIP.

Stage one

First they tested the waters with a mock campaign in Rochester & Strood. Nobody ever expected Britain First to keep their deposit but they needed to gauge just how hated they were. The result was spectacular. Never has a ‘political party’ (even a comedy one) been so hated since Mosley’s ‘British Union of Fascists’. Jayda “Dutchy” Fransen became the most despised woman in British politics whilst simultaneously remaining the biggest joke. That’s quite a combination and it took some really hard work to pull it off. But, with Golding’s publicity skills and Dowson’s money behind her she managed. Britain First had reached first base with spectacular success.

Stage two was easy….

After that all Dutchy had to do was get herself photographed with a few UKIP campaigners whilst Golding told everyone to vote UKIP (even whilst Fransen was standing in the same election). Once again BF combined comedy and apparent stupidity with the more serious political task of undermining UKIP through association.

Once the task of associating themselves with UKIP was done – once they established the link in the eyes of the public all they had to do was keep on reinforcing it.

  • Acting as self-appointed bouncers who harassed people outside UKIP meetings was pure genius.
  • Invading office blocks to have a go at anti UKIP performance artists was brilliance on stilts.
  • But the real cracker was publishing the details of an anti UKIP activist whilst followers (or possibly their own sock-puppet accounts) issued threats and in one case even offered a reward to whoever ‘glassed’ her.

The result…

Association with all this thuggishness sounded UKIP’s death knell. Try as he might (and he did try) Farage just couldn’t get the electorate to believe that UKIP wasn’t really in bed with Britain First. That might have worked if Golding hadn’t repeatedly told people to ignore UKIP’s denials. The assertion that Farage had to say that but really didn’t mean it was just genius. After that the association between UKIP and Britain First was just reinforced with every denial.

So well done Britain First. You did it. If it wasn’t for you, UKIP might have gained more than a single parliamentary seat. In fact, before Rochester and Strood (when you first began smearing your own toxic brand all over their purple pamphlets) they looked likely to gain considerably more. The liberally-minded, non-racist, tolerant citizens of UK owe you a debt of gratitude for your sterling work in keeping UKIP out of Westminster.

Thankyou so much, Britain First!

EBF UKIP Farage Thanet GE2015 loses resigns