A view from a barstool #41 by Landlord

Another week where the wife thinks I’m running off to Barbados with our barmaid as right wing hilarity reigns supreme. An even more right wing idiot takes over at UKRAP, the man in charge of Brexit says Britain will pay to be part of the single market even though the whole idea of leaving was to send no more money. There was another begging letter from our favourite wankpuffins, new policies have emerged from the same spunktrumpets and the biffers’ favourite ‘fair-minded’ news output lost one of it major backer’s. I really must read and listen to the right wing shenanigans whilst said barmaid is off.

So to sum up the biffers week… There was a day of inaction in Nuneaton where, according to Screechy loads of locals turned up to support them although this was not borne out in fact or by empirical evidence. Even their own tired old video, with patriotic music and Screechy commentating showed a complete lack of interest. It showed the same old activists turning up to give out leaflets about some crap or other and trying to force their toilet paper on bemused Christmas shoppers. We at EBF felt for the activists so much we were thinking of having a whip round to buy them a few cardboard cutouts so they in turn could go and get some shopping done.

There seems to be a deafening silence and lack of action outside the FA over the latest cases of child abuse. All here are sickened by any abuse from whatever race or religion, but the deafening silence from over at biffer high command just shows them for the hypocrites they are.

I noticed they have a roadshow in the southeast, in Rotherhithe to be exact. The Lefty Landlord mafia don’t hold much truck over there leading me to believe it’s a hive of right wing activity and therefore  we can’t try to harass and cajole venues to kick them out. I believe 107 people have expressed an interest in going but I think after Screechy and her “security” turn up the number will be closer to that of which my 4 year old daughter can count up to comfortably. I could be wrong but I won’t be too far out.

Whilst our erstwhile patriots are there they can partake in a buffet, a social afterwards and listen to Screechy talk shit about her favourite subject. Oh yes, and there is one other thing… This great, legitimate political party, you know the one with no MP’s no MEP’s, councillors or any other elected officials, is going to discuss their policies. Well I say policies – more like a racist diatribe that basically means any lefteyes, or Tories (leftwards according to them) will be rated as traitors and not tolerated in bifferdom. I won’t go through them all as the barmaid has returned but here’s a few of their unbudgeted, racist bollocks.

Disbar followers of the Islamic ideology from holding public office, anyone found to be promoting the ideology of Islam to be deported or imprisoned.

Remove the right of choice for females.

Replace the present multi faith educational system with a predominant focus on Christianity and so on.

Racist cuntwaffle is how I see it, reminiscent of policies see in 1930’s Germany.

NEW YORK, NY – JUNE 25: A general view of atmosphere during the Kellogg’s Recharge Bar on June 25, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Cindy Ord/Getty Images)

The final part of their policies lead me quite nicely on to Brietbart losing Kellogg’s as a sponsor and advertiser citing that Kellogg’s do not stand for the right wing mantra spewed by Brietbart. In reply to that Brietbart instead of talking to Kellogg’s chucked their toys out of the pram. I urge all of you to buy Kellogg’s products or at least leave a review on their pages. Brietbart if you are not aware are one of the biffers favourite news  sources and certainly fly very close to lying about Islam and anything slightly liberal. Which, in the case of biffers and their final policy, making it a crime to publish lies in the media will be totally laughable as any of their sources can be picked apart pretty rapidly to leave the prisons full of hacks.

Well that’s it in a nutshell. Laughable, stupid, dangerous, hypocritical and full of shit. That is how I see the biffers. Now I must take my leave I’ve been instructed by the landlady it’s time to decorate the pub and make it all christmassy. I don’t agree, but that’s because I’m a grumpy bugger not because I’m anti Christmas. Also my Muslim mate has agreed to help so there is no issue there.

Toodlepip

Britain First builds a movement

When I was a kid my parents had their own ‘polite’ way to talk. They would never use the right word for anything to do with sex or with bodily functions. My sisters lady part was her tuppence and between my legs I had a penny’. I never quite worked out why the price was so different. You can guess what ‘movement’ means in my parents house.

Imagine my surprise when Britain First advertised an event to build one of their own! Shouldn’t be too hard for them. All they need to do is gather round and hold hands. All those big shits in one place really would be a massive ‘movement’!

There just isn’t enough Andrex in the whole world to clean that shit up!

Former Britain First member speaks out

The following post was Emailed by a former Biffer. We publish it here without edit or comment beyond this very brief introduction. (EBFBlogger)

The first time I heard of Britain First was in 2014, when I saw the video of them confronting and chasing Anjem Choudary outside his home. I thought it was justified that a pro-violence hate preacher was being treated as badly as he treats others. I signed up to be a member after watching that video and one other of a counter protest. I thought it was a good cause because at the time, I felt little or no action was being carried out against extremeism in Britain.

Shortly after signing up, I got a magazine through the post from Britain First and the most interesting article in it was about the “New World Order” and how the “Establishment” needs to be removed in Britain. I thought I struck gold. A party against extremeism and the Establishment.

A few weeks later came the first of many emails asking for money. At first, I thought it was fine because they are only a small party. I was basically skint, so I never donated anything.

After reading Facebook posts by BF, I was confused. They went from being Anti-Establishment to praising the Queen (who is arguably the biggest figure of the British Establishment) so that was odd. I also heard some members (including Paul) were ex-BNP. At this point, I should have been smart enough to see through the illusion but I wasn’t. I thought hardly anything of the BNP link, I thought maybe they turned away from racism. Maybe they wanted a fresh start.

Around the same time ISIS began dominating news headlines, came BF’s posts saying how a “Moderate Muslim” doesn’t exist and they “all read from the same evil book”
Sad to say, I thought they had a point. I started thinking of all Muslims as evil and terrorist sympathisers. I was never racist but I was Islamophobic. I am extremely disappointed in myself for this because growing up I was never bothered by religion or political beliefs.
I feel like I was radicalised.

I went to my only protest which was in Rotherham. When I got there, it felt more like a market, with cheap tacky merchandise being sold out of a car boot. The illusion started to slowly fade from this moment.

After that, my next event, if I remember correctly, was their conference. I walked into the hall where it was being held and headed into the main room. Paul and Jayda were speaking to each other.

“When’s it going to happen then?” Paul asked

“I don’t think they’ve realised just yet” Jayda replied.

I can only assume they were talking about booking the hall and not informing staff who they were or what the event was. A few minutes later, a worker approached Paul and asked who exactly they were, to which Paul handed her a leaflet, with a smug smile on his face. Like a plan had all come together. The worker walked away and Jayda followed her into a small room, and came back a few moments later. Then all hell broke loose. The manager came to the main room and shouted “How dare you speak to my staff like that, get out now!” God knows what she said. Jayda seemed to love being confronted and responded aggressively.

The staff cut the power, so no laptops were working etc. The police were called and the conference was cut short. What a waste of a day that was. On the way home, I was thinking to myself, why am I here. This isn’t me.

Later in the week, in maybe one of the biggest coincidences of all time, I just finished reading a post by a fellow member saying how “all Muslims hate dogs” and “dogs are seen as filthy in Islam”. I took my dog for a long walk and sat down relaxing for a while, when a Muslim lady wearing a hijab and her husband walked past. She saw my dog and the lady smiled at me and asked if she could stroke him and take a picture of him. I said sure. I thought I was being wound up at the first!

It was in this moment I realised I was completely wrong. Most Muslims are peaceful and friendly people. It was such a brilliant scenario.

Britain First took a break in December and I discovered alot more about them. Such as the Daily Politics interview where it shows Paul disrespecting the war dead on Remember Sunday. My mind was more or less made up then, but I did one last event, which was campaigning. It was rubbish and nothing of importance happened.

I went home and I exposed Britain First to all the other activists and officially quit.

Now, I am sharing my story with you, as someone who has seen how this evil party operates from the inside. As someone who was peaceful growing up, only to be transformed into a Islamophobe because of Britain First.

As for my views now, my core beliefs are being Anti-Establishment and promoting peace between all races, colours, religions etc.

I would like to end this post by saying sorry and to urge any Britain First members reading this to leave the party, turn your lives around and promote peace and give your time to a worthy cause.

At conference end

As we all know by now the Biffers have decided not to hold any more annual conferences. Fuhrer Golding made the momentous announcement during his New Year message to the party faithful, both of whom were clearly very pleased to hear the news. We tracked them down to a seedy pub in Swanley where they were only too happy to give us their opinions (so long as we paid for the kebabs and foreign lager). Both seemed rather relieved…

“At least we won’t have to keep changing clothes and wigs for photo opportunities to make it look like there’s more than just the two of us.”
(Biffy Nomates 2016)

Biffy wasn’t alone in this. His mate ‘Snorty’ was equally pleased. He took time out from his busy snorting schedule to offer up these wise words…

“It hurts my hands holding so many bloody flags at events an’ all. I know we need to bump up the numbers but gripping so many bloody bamboo poles between your fingers really chafes after a while.”

(Steelo “Snorty” Bovverboot 2016)

The Biffers weren’t immediately enthralled by the alternative prospect of a camping holiday in Lincolnshire.

“We know that real soldiers camp out and everything” Explained Biffy “But we’re really only any good at fighting terrorists on the iPad.”

“I’m a bit uncomfortable about spiders” Agreed Snorty.

Sensing their discomfort our reporters thought it might be nice to offer them a bit of reassurance – a slim sliver of hope to cling to as they sought for a route out of their mounting despair.

“There’ll be a beer tent.”
Snorty and Biffy brightened up instantly.
“It’s a piss up at the outdoor!”
“It’ll be like a festival – like Donnington or Glastonbury”
“Or Milwall.”

Biffy shot Snorty a ‘look’ as if to say “Shhhh!” before explaining that Biffers are all very respectable and not at all involved in violence – especially not violence related to team-based recreational activities. Our reporter pretended to be convinced and moved the conversation on to more welcome topics like race hatred, white supremacy and Snorty’s deep-seated longing for another Kristalnacht.

“Oh not that again!” Exclaimed Biffy. “It’s all you ever talk about. Kristanacht this, Kristalnacht that…”

Momentarily quieted by his friend’s interjection, Snorty looked cowed, even sheepish. He glanced around the bar to see if anyone had heard. His haunted expression showing all the hallmarks of a man used to being ridiculed for his ridiculous Nazism.

“Snorty wants to be Golding!” Whispered Biffy, conspiratorially.
It became clear that Snorty had indeed modelled his belief system on the dweebish Fuhrer, Folding Golding. And he was made the object of ridicule by those around him just as often as his hero, with or without the knotted hankie on his head.

Another trip to the bar in search of even more foreign lager for the boys later and the conversation moved back to the prospect of a Lincolnshire field with a beer tent and a bunch of keyboard warriors. As the only two paid up Biffers who don’t have a leadership position the boys apologised but said they really couldn’t confirm or deny the proposed location (although Snorty was confident that the Lincolnshire showground should be a front-runner). They knew why the conference had morphed into a grotesque parody of the Queen’s garden party even if not where it would be held.

“Why is that then?” Inquired our reporter.

“Coz a do in a hotel costs too much when nobody turns up.”
As if by way of emphasis, Snorty punctuated his statement with a large draught of cheap central European lager – brewed by next year’s immigrants, no doubt.

“Face it” Offered Biffy. “Golding’s our leader but he’s still a tosser and nothing says sad Nazi wannabe like an empty function room.”

We could only agree.

Hobnob anyone?

View from a barstool #12

Well now the festivities are over and hangovers nursed in the Landlords household, the pirates seem to have finally buggered off, the hobnob cupboard in the office needs replenishing(hint) but at least the Blue Nun and the babysham was imbibed. I had 3 major resolutions to try and keep. The first – to be nice to trolls lasted 4 minutes. The second – not to get pissed off with the biffers lasted 2 and the last – to get decent coffee for the office lasted 8 hours.

So to the roundup of all things biffer from last week…

Well Goldibollocks graced us with his considerable presence, trying to look statesmanlike but failing miserably, informing his congregation that he was proud to be arrested. Paulie, proud you miserable cockwomble, of harassing a elderly woman in her home, proud of sticking two fingers up at the Queen by wearing a tatty green bin bag with her crown emblazoned on it, and proud of being leader of a fascist organisation.

Biffer central seem to be sending an endless amount of trolls over, who we tolerate to a degree, and love reading you lot ripping into them and the comedy value of your replies. Indeed we are currently discussing a new virtual award for troll hunting. It proves beyond any doubt that the powers that be over in Bifferland are worried about our continued presence, getting bigger by the day. Other anti groups also continue to grow as well so the people are out there, getting louder and getting to their leaders.

Floods, lots of them. Loads of damage to infrastructure and homes. People struggling under the deluge. But we saw something happening. Huge community spirit, help from Christians, from Sikh’s, Athiests, Muslims, refugees, giving up time, food and money for the victims, not caring who they are. What did Britain First do, with their 1.1 million disciples? They sent a meme out asking those who receive foreign aid to send £3. I think, Goldibollocks and Dutchy, you have fucked up badly on it.

Our picture of Syrian refugees was trolled relentlessly, it seems that most of the mainstream media and even the Washington Post isn’t enough proof for them. Well up yours Biffers! People in this country have long memories and when you have your drunken stroll through Dewsbury there will be a few good people of Hebden Bridge and other affected areas coming to join the ranks of the real British people opposing you.

And finally, instead of a conference the Biffers are going to have a weekend festival somewhere in Lincolnshire, complete with burger vans (halal?) and beer tent. And this brings me to my final resolution of this year, to harass and harry anything you do.

Have a meet up at a pub? Not if I can help it!

Your festival? Not if I can help it?

A march? I’m going to be there!

A meme? Yep you guessed it.

In fact, whatever you do I’m going to counter it with my fellow admins and my mates on the page.

Send your trolls in. We’ll counter them to shreds!

Try to discredit us. We’ll laugh and repudiate your claims!

We are Christian, Athiest, Muslim and agnostic. We are from a wide range of backgrounds with contacts in many places. And EBF is getting stronger from the people who send us in memes, links and information. Britain First may not have been involved in the floods but they will reap the deluge that’s coming their way.

Finally, may I wish all our mates on the page, and the trolls too, a very happy and prosperous new year.

Cheers,

Landlord

The Fuhrer fails to face facts

I had an interesting little conversation with the EBF mole yesterday. It’s always useful having a spy in the camp, especially when that spy is so close to ‘The Boss’, as he calls the Fuhrer (not quite respectfully).
Apparently Fuhrer Golding (perhaps I should say ‘Future Mayor’ Golding) has his head wedged so firmly up his….. erm…. in the sand that he can’t see what’s been obvious to everyone in Biffer Towers for ages now. The long knives are out and the ceremonial ‘X’ that marks the spot on Paulie’s back is almost as wide as the yellow streak it’s painted over.

This isn’t some idle gossip over the office water cooler. Don’t believe the Biffer hype about needing funds for office furniture and the like. This is no plush, finely bedecked operation. Biffer HQ is much more virtual than most people think. Most Biffer business is completed via Email and that leaves a trail, if you know what to look for.

Idle conversations in the works canteen are one thing. Email exchanges, complete with promises of loyalty and favours between conspirators are quite another. It’s easy to dismiss the mutterings of disgruntled colleagues having a crafty fag out the back by the photocopier room. It’s not so easy to dismiss Emailed dissent and even password-protected PDF reports sent only to the select few.

The upshot of all this secret skulduggery is that Paul’s days are definitely numbered. It may even happen before the Mayoral election, Jolly Jim Dowson is so tired of throwing good money after bad trying to recover Paul’s losses. Apparently Burton was the final nail in the Fuhrer’s coffin – now it’s just a matter of time.

And yet, like the original Fuhrer in his underground Berlin bunker, Paulie Golding refuses to see the truth. He still thinks he’s going to be allowed to lead the Biffers to victory. In fact all he’s achieved recently has been a reduction in on-street numbers and rapidly shrinking donations.

What we’re not sure about is the timescale. Our mole tells us that Jayda and Jolly Jim had several huddled, quite conspiratorial conversations during quiet moments at the Bifferfest last Saturday. Unfortunately even ‘Moley’ doesn’t know quite what they said to each other but he got the distinct impression that something big had been decided. What’s most significant was that something big had been decided without Paulie.

And yet the Fuhrer carries on as if nothing has happened. He still expected respect from the three dozen or so assembled Biffers, even though everyone but Paulie knows the day was a complete washout. According to Moley the only one who doesn’t get the joke is Golding himself. Almost nobody else takes him even remotely seriously these days. Even Jayda doesn’t need to bad-mouth him any more. Others are doing that for her now. All Fransen has to do is continue to play the part of loyal, faithful, intimate confidant and wait for the long knives to pierce ‘The Boss’s’ back!

After last weekend’s disastrous Bifferfest losses it’s only a matter of time.

A view from a barstool #5

Evening all, I hope you are all well out there in Exposing Britain First world. Apologies for the lack of a blog last week but I was in the middle of a move from the Shires to the south coast of our fair Isle and as I write this in my office I have had time to look back at the week in bifferstan with more than just a shake of the head. It is a time when we have to remember those that gave their lives in service of our country whether they be British, from the commonwealth or those countries that were overrun by the fascists. This is their time and we should never let that be taken by the far right in whatever guise they may appear, wrapped up in fake patriotism.

So what have I seen from the pages of BF? A soldiers death has been taken by them and used as click bait to attempt to extend their dwindling report. I’m not naming him, nor will I put a picture up of him, only for the reason that his family have requested he won’t be used as a figurehead for something he wouldn’t have touched with a bargepole. If anyone wants to show respect, type his name in Google and add foundation. Follow and give money if you wish but please don’t let the biffers disrespect this young man.

Something close to my heart just happened today, a Borough Council cancelled a booking from the biffers and if it was the way I heard then Chesterfield BC has possibly made sure the Biffers are unable to book another licensed property. Under the licensing act of 2003 (amended March 2015) a licensee is forbidden to allow a gathering of racists, indeed the premesis license to which all personal License holders are held to prohibit this:
11.27 There is certain criminal activity that may arise in connection with licensed premises which
should be treated particularly seriously. These are the use of the licensed premises:
• for the sale and distribution of drugs controlled under the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 and
the laundering of the proceeds of drugs crime;
• for the sale and distribution of illegal firearms;
• for the evasion of copyright in respect of pirated or unlicensed films and music, which
does considerable damage to the industries affected;
• for prostitution or the sale of unlawful pornography;
• by organised groups of paedophiles to groom children;
• as the base for the organisation of criminal activity, particularly by gangs;
• for the organisation of racist activity or the promotion of racist attacks;
• for knowingly employing a person who is unlawfully in the UK or who cannot lawfully be
employed as a result of a condition on that person’s leave to enter;
• for unlawful gambling; and
• for the sale or storage of smuggled tobacco and alcohol.
And following this part 11.28 of the licensing act goes onto say
It is envisaged that licensing authorities, the police and other law enforcement agencies,
which are responsible authorities, will use the review procedures effectively to deter such
activities and crime. Where reviews arise and the licensing authority determines that
the crime prevention objective is being undermined through the premises being used to
further crimes, it is expected that revocation of the licence – even in the first instance –
should be seriously considered.

So this is one of the very reasons that Chesterfield BC would not want Britain First at one of their venues.
So that’s it, take them to court, look like fuckwits, I would guess that there maybe argument over a legal definition of racism but we know.

Well I’ve now been instructed it’s time to do the curtains in all of our rooms, I can’t even get out of it by working. Just remember take pride in whatever you may do this weekend, if you wear a poppy don’t think you are a biffer, you are just someone who pays their respect.

Cheers

Landlord