View from a barstool #14

Beer 2Evening all.

So the Christmas tree is chopped up and ready for the fire, the decorations are in the loft and the kids are back at school. The festivities are over for another year and the Christmas lies from the biffers are also consigned to the loft only to be regurgitated around October.

So let’s have a rummage through all things Biffer over the last 7 days. Let’s have a little look…..

Aha obviously a nasty credit card bill just arrived as there is a begging email. Unfortunately the mystic landlady got it wrong so I lost my 50p in the office sweepstake. I can’t believe after all this time of not picking £5thaaaasand. I did this time and the little buggers go and pick £1975. Now I’m not sure whether you’ve ever had to engage a solicitor before but they’re bloody expensive and I’m not sure that 2 grand would do a lot. Just a thought Goldibollocks. If you don’t harass ladies in their homes, don’t wear political uniforms and certainly don’t act like a Cockwomble, you won’t get nicked and you won’t have to pay.

An item on their page inferred that a Muslim gang beat up a white man in Baildon this week.

EBF BF Baildon NYE assault slur islam muslim white gang.jpg

The trouble is after reading the paper it appears the assailants were “predominantly white.” There was a predictable outrage over at Biffer central and some of the comments were absolutely vile and disgusting. I understand that the post was passed to West Yorkshire police, and amazingly the post disappeared.

EBF BF West Yorkshire police march Dewsbury re route yawn

Now I’m not into conspiracy theories, (except that Fosters continuously put mind drugs in their barrels), but trying to incite the local population might rather have lead the coppers to re route their shuffle round Dewsbury to a car park and an industrial estate. Another tip for you Goldibollocks, don’t antagonise the cops and they may just not antagonise you. In saying that continue on your shuffle because we here in the EBF group are sponsoring you. If you haven’t seen the page please sponsor us to sponsor them. Funds will go towards helping the victims of the floods (at the time of writing £259 has been pledged).

elp battle floods

Apart from the usual “Muslims are this” and “Muslims are that”, the last thing that caught my eye this week, apart from the landlady’s new hairdo, was the fact they have ditched the conferences (probably because they’ve ran out of places that’ll have them and BT won’t let them have a phonebox) and decided to have a bifferfest instead. Now I’m not sure about you but I haven’t stopped sniggering since, causing the landlady to think I’m having an affair with the barmaid (I’m a grumpy old sod most of the time you see).

EBF BF Bifferfest woodstock nuremberg

This festival in a field near somewhere is free (tenner for a wee??) where you can learn about British fascism, sorry ‘culture’, have discussions on bifferland, sports, and have food and drink there. It’s also camping so Millets might want to stock Union Flag tents (although given their tendencies to fly them upside down on their shuffles, 10 upside down tents in a field would make me titter. Also do they make bullet proof tents for the commanders in chief? I’m also assuming that it will only be non halal food there, would be such a shame if some did infiltrate its way into their diets. Anyway good luck getting your TENs license not easy when a load of publicans and licensees have words with contacts.

Finally, another page that brought great mirth to me and the others was the absolute foamfest over on the Kingsmill Facebook page over Kingsmill’s decision to become halal certified. Now as some of you are great troll hunters (a new badge has just been made) pop over there, leave a message and sit back.

EBF Troll hunter badge

Now I must go, something about a buying a handbag for the landlady as penance for being cheerful.

Cheers

Landlord

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The Fuhrer fails to face facts

BF conference 2015 Dowson and Golding rift Dutch lady winsI had an interesting little conversation with the EBF mole yesterday. It’s always useful having a spy in the camp, especially when that spy is so close to ‘The Boss’, as he calls the Fuhrer (not quite respectfully).
Apparently Fuhrer Golding (perhaps I should say ‘Future Mayor’ Golding) has his head wedged so firmly up his….. erm…. in the sand that he can’t see what’s been obvious to everyone in Biffer Towers for ages now. The long knives are out and the ceremonial ‘X’ that marks the spot on Paulie’s back is almost as wide as the yellow streak it’s painted over.

This isn’t some idle gossip over the office water cooler. Don’t believe the Biffer hype about needing funds for office furniture and the like. This is no plush, finely bedecked operation. Biffer HQ is much more virtual than most people think. Most Biffer business is completed via Email and that leaves a trail, if you know what to look for.

Idle conversations in the works canteen are one thing. Email exchanges, complete with promises of loyalty and favours between conspirators are quite another. It’s easy to dismiss the mutterings of disgruntled colleagues having a crafty fag out the back by the photocopier room. It’s not so easy to dismiss Emailed dissent and even password-protected PDF reports sent only to the select few.

The upshot of all this secret skulduggery is that Paul’s days are definitely numbered. It may even happen before the Mayoral election, Jolly Jim Dowson is so tired of throwing good money after bad trying to recover Paul’s losses. Apparently Burton was the final nail in the Fuhrer’s coffin – now it’s just a matter of time.

And yet, like the original Fuhrer in his underground Berlin bunker, Paulie Golding refuses to see the truth. He still thinks he’s going to be allowed to lead the Biffers to victory. In fact all he’s achieved recently has been a reduction in on-street numbers and rapidly shrinking donations.

What we’re not sure about is the timescale. Our mole tells us that Jayda and Jolly Jim had several huddled, quite conspiratorial conversations during quiet moments at the Bifferfest last Saturday. Unfortunately even ‘Moley’ doesn’t know quite what they said to each other but he got the distinct impression that something big had been decided. What’s most significant was that something big had been decided without Paulie.

And yet the Fuhrer carries on as if nothing has happened. He still expected respect from the three dozen or so assembled Biffers, even though everyone but Paulie knows the day was a complete washout. According to Moley the only one who doesn’t get the joke is Golding himself. Almost nobody else takes him even remotely seriously these days. Even Jayda doesn’t need to bad-mouth him any more. Others are doing that for her now. All Fransen has to do is continue to play the part of loyal, faithful, intimate confidant and wait for the long knives to pierce ‘The Boss’s’ back!

After last weekend’s disastrous Bifferfest losses it’s only a matter of time.