A view from a barstool #43 by Landlord

christmas-beerI have to admit that I was finding it pretty difficult to work out what to write this week, I mean just how much regurgitated shit can you manage to read or hear before getting writers block, until the Christmas present that was the incarceration of Der Fuhrer, so here it is, my take on the best and funniest news we at EBF have had all year.

Goldibollocks, you see, like the rest of his High Command think they are above the law, that when they are arrested, interviewed or confronted by the police that this is a plot by the establishment to silence them and the twelvty million supporters they purport to have. Well Goldibollocks, well Screechy, well shittroopers I have news for you, it’s not. The reason you are harassed, arrested,bailed or confronted is because it’s against the law.

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Now it’s hard not to laugh at them, I know believe me, but trying to be serious for just one paragraph this is a quick résumé of what Goldibollocks did to get banged up. Earlier this year, to great fanfare and video on their page Goldibollocks, Screechy and the shittroopers visited Bury Park in Luton for a Christian patrol. Screechy went batshit crazy and verbally assaulted a young Muslim woman whilst bravely surrounded by the shittroopers and quite rightly Bedfordshire police got miffed about it. Screechy and Goldibollocks were bailed with certain stringent conditions. One of which was not to go into a mosque in the British isles without written permission. When it was time to come to court he played a blinder pled guilty and got a criminal record, Screechy was also hauled up and also got convicted of her part in the Bury Park fiasco. One thing remained though……..no more mosque invasions.

bf-ebf-fransen-golding-luton-courtWhilst Screechy was out of the picture Goldibollocks and some pretty unsavoury activists went to Cardiff and entered a mosque without prior written consent, Goldibollocks says he didn’t go in but he was definitely the unhinged mastermind behind it. Thinking they had got away with it how they laughed. However behind the scenes the authorities decided that bending over and being fisted by the biffers on a weekly basis was pissing them off and hatched a cunning plan. Fast forward to Screechy’s trial and the announcement that Goldibollocks was to be charged for contempt of court. After much hissing and screaming at the establishment Goldibollocks relinquished control of Bifferdom to spend more time with his family. The more cynical amongst us knew this was a blinding legal move on his behalf as he could say he no longer had control.

On Thursday he went to court played a blinder, pled guilty and expected a slap on the wrist. Naughty boy Paul but as we’re so frightened of your online masses and your plethora of MPS, MEPs and councillors we’ll let you out just don’t do it again, was what he, his legal team and the biffer High command thought would happen. By all accounts his bottom lip trembled as he was told you’re going down for eight weeks, 4 suspended. You see Screechy, Goldibollocks and the rest of your tacky insignificant crew people get fucked off with being constantly disobeyed and you went too far.

Now we could go over the top and take the piss more, we could ask that he’s banged up with Muslims, or someone who calls him Pauline, but the others have too much class for that. Instead I’d like him to spend the 4 weeks in solitude, snivelling like the cowardly fuck he is. He won’t have his shittroopers there, no one to hold his hand if someone says something nasty to him.

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I hope prison will break him, make him scared shitless, I hope that he’ll come out chastened by the experience, but I doubt it. In fact if you read comments from biffer towers you’ll see the twats are out and Screechy wants money to appeal. Appeal, fuck off you conning bunch of fucking arseholes. He pled guilty end of.
One of the comments I loved was,

“I bet if it was a Muslim he’d be free.”

To which one of our regulars wrote

“Hmmm, like Choudary.”

So what next for the biffers? Well Screechy will continue with her soapbox, spouting all sorts of absolute garbage, Stevie will continue his one man assault on Gregg’s, the shittroopers will continue to look as menacing as my little ponies and in 4 weeks time a fucked up Goldibollocks will emerge to the waiting throng of twelvty million press and sign a multi million pound deal with Brietbart to screen his life story. In all honesty, we just don’t know. One thing we are sure about is that this will lead to some more conning, a huge amount of racist and religious bigotry and Screechy screeching.

One more thing you can be sure of, once the offices collective hangover goes we’ll be there to fuck them up, we’ll be there to highlight their lies, we’ll be there to highlight their bigotry, we’ll be there to counter their get togethers and we’ll be there to highlight their cons.

But for this weekend I’m getting pissed, and staying pissed. Maybe, just maybe this will curtail their activities and that is something to raise a glass of Babysham to over the Xmas break. Now if you’ll forgive me I’ve got an unopened bottle of expensive Valpollicello to uncork and toast His Honour Judge Moloney for having the bollocks to stand up to the bully.

Toodlepip

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View from a barstool #42 by Landlord

Beer 2Pahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaha. They say something’s are constant in the world, like drinking to much over the festivities, the Queens speech, Nigel Fartage spouting crap and now the biffers latest begging bowl email which has me reaching for the Tena Man.
It seems to me they’ve been told by Uncle Jim’s travel agent that the cost of their Christmas holiday has increased due to their beloved Brexit. Maybe their disciples haven’t bunged enough money their way for a free management computer system and an overpriced camera.  So they fall back on old faithful and come up with an old favourite, not for Goldibollocks’ court case, it’s almost a dead cert he’ll play a blinder and plead guilty, but because the government MAY want to proscribe them and they have to have the cash just in case, Guvnor.
Now forgive a grumpy cynical Landlord but fuck off biffers! I know we here in EBF land, or ‘sanity’ as I call it, laugh at your pathetic attempts at marches, your lack of support at your days of (in)action and your tacky, racist shares from fake right wing media outlets. We snigger at your assertion that you are a legitimate political party sending shockwaves through the political elite despite your current councillors, MP’s and MEP’s totalling a big fat zero. We all know you’re a party who is laughed at in the main stream media so please don’t insult our intelligence in the same way you insult the intelligence of your followers.
theresa-may-8The government won’t proscribe you, however unfortunate that may be. They find you as irritating as dog shit on the bottom of their shoe but they really don’t see any need to take you seriously. The right wing groups they will go after are the ones that are really dedicated to violence and want to cause deaths. They’ll go after alliancess like National Action and a few of The infidel groups., not your mob of conmen Walt’s and foreign supporters. You can just about muster enough followers to take over my front room let alone anything else.
How your supporters still manage to accept everything you say is beyond me. Have your muslamic ray guns been set to stupid? The bacofoil you send out must have hallucinogenic drugs in it. From comments we’ve been sent by Moley from ex members of your high command they’ve admitted that it’s all about the money and very little else. There again a significant percentage of your support does come from the US of A and they voted in a conman too so nuff said. To close you down would be simple, send trading standards and the taxman round and you’d be gone without the government making matyrs out of you.
I see our ‘favourite’, please read that as ‘cuntspangle‘, racist has had his sentence increased, this time for racial harassment of a MP. When we in the office read the judge’s summing up we all looked at each other and wished the judge had been sitting at Screechy’s trial. I think she would have been well and truly fucked.
joshua-bonehill-aine-guilty-harrassing-mpFinally the rise of the far right seems to have been checked for now, Hofer in Austria lost, citing Fartage as the problem, Geert Wilders found guilty in Holland but surprisingly not sentenced to anything (musht have been thosh shpeshel shiggerettes) and Uncle Jim and his pet racist, Griffin trying to fight KTI’s corner so badly that even Hitler’s mouthpiece The Daily Fail had a go at them.
All in all then a weird week. The wife has realised my mirth is to do with the biffers. Their desperation is showing signs of trying to fleece as much as they can before flouncing off to Hungary. Bonehill is banged up for longer and will have some stringent conditions if he comes out, Goldibollocks is going down, Fartage is fucking off because he’s poor and my Christmas ale has arrived this year in time for Christmas. Have a good week.
Toodlepip
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A view from a barstool #41 by Landlord

Beer 2Another week where the wife thinks I’m running off to Barbados with our barmaid as right wing hilarity reigns supreme. An even more right wing idiot takes over at UKRAP, the man in charge of Brexit says Britain will pay to be part of the single market even though the whole idea of leaving was to send no more money. There was another begging letter from our favourite wankpuffins, new policies have emerged from the same spunktrumpets and the biffers’ favourite ‘fair-minded’ news output lost one of it major backer’s. I really must read and listen to the right wing shenanigans whilst said barmaid is off.
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So to sum up the biffers week… There was a day of inaction in Nuneaton where, according to Screechy loads of locals turned up to support them although this was not borne out in fact or by empirical evidence. Even their own tired old video, with patriotic music and Screechy commentating showed a complete lack of interest. It showed the same old activists turning up to give out leaflets about some crap or other and trying to force their toilet paper on bemused Christmas shoppers. We at EBF felt for the activists so much we were thinking of having a whip round to buy them a few cardboard cutouts so they in turn could go and get some shopping done.
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There seems to be a deafening silence and lack of action outside the FA over the latest cases of child abuse. All here are sickened by any abuse from whatever race or religion, but the deafening silence from over at biffer high command just shows them for the hypocrites they are.
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I noticed they have a roadshow in the southeast, in Rotherhithe to be exact. The Lefty Landlord mafia don’t hold much truck over there leading me to believe it’s a hive of right wing activity and therefore  we can’t try to harass and cajole venues to kick them out. I believe 107 people have expressed an interest in going but I think after Screechy and her “security” turn up the number will be closer to that of which my 4 year old daughter can count up to comfortably. I could be wrong but I won’t be too far out.
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Whilst our erstwhile patriots are there they can partake in a buffet, a social afterwards and listen to Screechy talk shit about her favourite subject. Oh yes, and there is one other thing… This great, legitimate political party, you know the one with no MP’s no MEP’s, councillors or any other elected officials, is going to discuss their policies. Well I say policies – more like a racist diatribe that basically means any lefteyes, or Tories (leftwards according to them) will be rated as traitors and not tolerated in bifferdom. I won’t go through them all as the barmaid has returned but here’s a few of their unbudgeted, racist bollocks.
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Disbar followers of the Islamic ideology from holding public office, anyone found to be promoting the ideology of Islam to be deported or imprisoned.
Remove the right of choice for females.
Replace the present multi faith educational system with a predominant focus on Christianity and so on.
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Racist cuntwaffle is how I see it, reminiscent of policies see in 1930’s Germany.
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NEW YORK, NY – JUNE 25: A general view of atmosphere during the Kellogg’s Recharge Bar on June 25, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Cindy Ord/Getty Images)

The final part of their policies lead me quite nicely on to Brietbart losing Kellogg’s as a sponsor and advertiser citing that Kellogg’s do not stand for the right wing mantra spewed by Brietbart. In reply to that Brietbart instead of talking to Kellogg’s chucked their toys out of the pram. I urge all of you to buy Kellogg’s products or at least leave a review on their pages. Brietbart if you are not aware are one of the biffers favourite news  sources and certainly fly very close to lying about Islam and anything slightly liberal. Which, in the case of biffers and their final policy, making it a crime to publish lies in the media will be totally laughable as any of their sources can be picked apart pretty rapidly to leave the prisons full of hacks.

Well that’s it in a nutshell. Laughable, stupid, dangerous, hypocritical and full of shit. That is how I see the biffers. Now I must take my leave I’ve been instructed by the landlady it’s time to decorate the pub and make it all christmassy. I don’t agree, but that’s because I’m a grumpy bugger not because I’m anti Christmas. Also my Muslim mate has agreed to help so there is no issue there.
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Toodlepip
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View from a barstool #40 by Landlord

Beer 2A couple of weeks away and all hell has broken loose with right wing shenanigans. The hairpiece is going to be the most hated, powerful man on this planet, Thomas Mair is convicted of Jo Cox’s assassination with right wing undertones with pictures showing him on a day of activism with the biffers, Goldibollocks standing down to take time out(hopefully) at her majesty’s pleasure and a convicted felon taking over in our Screechy. And now proof that all is not well in bifferdom.

In my own world of cyberspace my American friends are unable to take in the way their country has voted. Admittedly they were sceptical of Hillary Clinton who is as trustworthy as the biffers but for their fellow countrymen to vote in a sexist, racist, bankrupt twat is enough to have them crying into their Buds. Some say that this just proves that the Americans are crazy but I personally feel that it is more sinister as more and more countries are seeing surges in support for the far right. Some have even dressed it up as ‘alt-right’ but I’ll call it how I see it, ‘deep rooted racism’.

Possibly Tommy Mair Dewsbury BF demoThe assassin known as Thomas Mair was convicted this week and as a white man I apologise for his terrorism. As the racists keep asking normal Muslims to apologise for Daesh I will get in first. Whether or not when he shouted “Britain First” he meant it as a battle cry or as a tribute to his favourite racists no one can be sure but the deafening silence from biffer towers and the pictures of him at one of their wanky days out prove it to me. The Nazi paraphernalia found shows that once again a line white terrorist is as bad as the Daesh ones.

So Goldibollocks has stood down, temporarily at least to spend more time with his family. That is laughable to say the least as his family now accompany him to all his roadshows to help swell the numbers to double figures. The fact that the blind disciples don’t see is that the jail time Goldibollocks is hopefully going to get just so happens to be 6 months…….a coincidence, a conspiracy theory or some time in Uncle Jim’s racist enclave. Whatever it may be we here at EBF towers and the majority of our followers will be giggling at his predicament like schoolgirls.

That brings us to the convicted felon who is taking over from Goldibollocks, Screechy take a bow…..or don’t as your cleavage is getting quite an airing on your soapbox….your ambition has been reached, Uncle Jim has his own way and the hierarchy that have been slowly inching away from Goldibollocks into her camp have their own way. During her trial, and if you listen to the biffers she was a modern day Joan of Arc, she was stoic in her defence and was only convicted by lefty magistrates and the gutter press. Now I’m a novice in things legal, apart from the licencing law, but the overwhelming evidence produced by the CPS convicted her in two out of the three charges.

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In a way I’m glad she wasn’t jailed, and I can’t believe I’ve just said that, but the High command are looking for a big pay day and a martyr doing pokey, especially their pin up girl would almost certainly boost their coffers. I’d love Goldibollocks or indeed her to do community service in a Muslim area.

Screechy and Goldibollocks are so keen to remind anyone in earshot or on social media that they are a political party, all be it with no seats in any council, parliament, parishes or the EU, they constantly ask would any other party leaders be treated the same. So Goldibollocks and Screechy I’ll ask something to you……I don’t see Theresa May, the Libdem leader, Jeremy Corbyn or any other party leader being a convicted felon, being associated with an assassin, or ripping supporters off for cash.

I have also seen the ex biffers chatting amongst themselves,some very close to the hierarchy, proving that what we publish is true. A block on talking to any other group, a ban on a members husband who isn’t white, milking money and being rather sexist. I really want to be there when they implode because there’s nothing funnier than watching the death of a nasty racist right wing group.

So there it is, a racist group, followed by a terrorist, run by felons and bankrolled by a zealot. That is Britain First.

As we hurtle to Christmas the landlady appears to want me to do something called shopping, something a grumpy Landlord never understands so forgive me if this is a bit short.

Toodlepip

A view from a barstool #39 by Landlord

Beer 2“It’s the most wonderful time in the world” so the Christmas song goes. Nope the grumpy, athiest Landlord hasn’t taken leave of his senses nor has the barmaid ran off with me. It’s the time that some unwashed lefty landlords and I get together to do CAT tests on the promotional barrels of Hobgoblin (rather a lot of them) and discuss all things fascist and how we go about countering them around the country. Also they help me to write this blog. Last year they helped me on Bigot brother or big Bigot, this year we have come up with a new soap opera, Bigot Street. Hopefully someone picks it up or it could be a bigger failure than Eldorado. Forgive me any typos please, writing this after a few pints of the nectar probably isn’t the best time to do this.

This is set in a street that the fash dream of, a late 50’s terrace and people leaving the doors open. At number one a rather rotund gentleman known as Goldibollocks lives, a British flag or seven decorating both front and back, so it appears there are more people there than is thought, he appears to be the leader of the gang. He doesn’t work for a living just cons everybody and pretends to be a political heavyweight whilst being shit scared to enter into debates.

At number two is a loud mouthed harridan called Screechy who spends her days again not working but living off the begging bowl. Everyday she changes her security arrangements paid for by unsuspecting members of the public that think she does more than just screech at anybody that doesn’t pray to her particular god. She also tells all that she is a legal whizz having studied at Bigot Street’s local college, ‘The School of Hard Knocks’. She appears to have a hatred of anyone that doesn’t think the same way or is slightly tanned. She was in awe of Goldibollocks but now appears to be happier with her uncle.

Number 3 is the local newsagents, ran by a man who everyone calls Uncle Jim. He seems to like black and white flags and calling for crusades. He has all the newspapers in the shop, The Express, Mail, Brietbart. He’s the local lay preacher that hates homosexuality, Catholics and Islam. This could change depending on who he can fleece the most out of. He hates socialism but seems a bit taken by the Russian president.

Number four is a Fatman who works at the bakery. This bakery sells nothing but pies. He is a touch more literate than the others and although the bakery never opens although there always appears to be pies there in the morning. Mr Lewis is also treasurer of the streets council as he has the batteries for the calculator and the typewriter. He also can’t be trusted with the local church fêtes banner as it seems he loses them too easily.

Number Five is lived in by security guard Lomax. He is never seen without a stab vest, body camera, dodgy gloves and heavy walking stick. He seems obsessed with Screechy and Goldibollocks as he follows them everywhere they go like a faithful lapdog. He really should be licenced but can’t con anyone to put him through the course as he is too far down the hierarchy of Bigot Street. He is most likely to run in the opposite direction of anyone tanned.

Next there seems to be a confused gent. He hates immigration but has a name like Carmelo. He seems hell bent on getting into the A team and climbing the ladder of the hierarchy and closer to the honeypot. He seems to want to take on the immigrants with a stab vest, camouflage and a ruler.

At number seven, although on the outside of the main team is Nasty Nick. He seems to have talked his way in by sucking up to Uncle Jim. He has political ambition and appeared on the TV being owned by an audience. He wants all his fellow bigot’s to follow him to Hungary to set up racist world but no one wants to invest.

At number eight, although his house has the number 228 on it is a chap called Broomfield. He has the number 228 as although a paid up member of the gang he is an embarrassment to the high command.

Here I must stop with the houses, mainly due to the fact the Hobgoblin is taking effect.

At the end of Bigot Street there is a pub. A real olde world one with bar billiards (would have been a snooker room but Screechy and Goldibollocks kept taking it for filming). This pub sells great British beer like Stella, Carlsberg and Guinness. The top shelf of Smirnoff, Bacardi and Jim Beam, you know none of that foreign muck here. The Bigot’s stand around the old Joanna singing patriotic songs and wishing it was 1958 when blighty wasn’t overran by johnny foreigner, we all sang the national anthem and we respected the law of the land (as long as it wasn’t made by communist police and the lefty lackeys of the judiciary. The bigot’s talk long into the night deciding that a wall round their street complete with machine gun nests and barbed wire before toddling off for a non halal kebab.

So that’s the idea, I only need firty faaaaaaasand paaaaaands to get it off the ground. Can you chip in.
TARGET firty faaaaaaasand
Amount conned a midget gem, a marshmallow, three buttons and a safety pin.

Anyway, I should be back next week cuddling another barrel and reporting on all things biffer if the hangover goes and I have bought a big enough anniversary present for the wife.

Toodlepip

View from a barstool #38 by Landlord

Beer 2A Screechy special

A lot on at Landlord towers as my eldest daughter dumped her boyfriend after he called me a lefty do gooder and a Muslim appeaser. She found out he was a biffer and promptly told him where to go. The youngest son is being marched to the local mosque during the half term break after calling Fatima a fat Paki bomber and although said in the heat of the moment he realises that I or my wife won’t stand for this and time for him to learn.

By now you will have seen the latest begging email for Screechy’s defence at her forthcoming witch hunt sorry court case. This email was funny it has the landlady thinking I’m close to running off with the barmaid as I chuckle long into the night. This being so I’ve decided that this week’s blog will be all about the harridan and not the way the publicity seeking biffers would like.

The Email starts and immediately my chuckles begin. She is according to the high command “an extraordinary woman” and asks whether I have ever seen a young lady with more courage, bravery and guts as our Screechy? Well Goldibollocks yes I have. From Florence Nightingale, the suffragettes, the women who fought in the world wars and those since then. The doctors and nurses, cleaners and all those in the NHS, The policewomen putting themselves on the front line (usually keeping the peace when fucknuggets like Britain First come to town.) Fire women who help keep us safe and the female members of our armed forces and the lady who lives down the road who’s husband died leaving her with four kids. Instead of turning to the welfare state she has two jobs and looks knackered all the time. These are examples of extraordinary women not someone who’s sole aim is bigotry and conning money out of people to keep her lifestyle.

Paragraph two, pass me the gag, she has been abused by the police while confronting Anjem which is so far away from the truth. She confronted him for the publicity, when she knew Choudary couldn’t say anything because of his bail condition she also turns up with her shittroopers. This isn’t brave this is cowardly. The Email goes on that she is harassed by anti terrorist police (send me a number for a divorce lawyer quick) now forgive me for this but in this world of terrorism I’m pretty sure that the security services have better things to do than harass cockwombles.

It continues, “now the corrupt PCC’s are dragging her into court with the intention of jail time.” Again forgive me for laying it straight but if you don’t break the law of this land you won’t be prosecuted or face jail time.

The edict from biffer high command then goes on to list her crimes and although we’ve covered them before I’ll laugh my way through them.

Firstly, the aggravated racial harassment, to which biffer high command says Screechy was attacked first. Now I’ve seen the videos, both of them, and even the biffers own heavily edited video appears to bear out the fact that the abuse stemmed from one person and one person only, again flanked by her shittroopers and bodyguards she appears to abuse a women and when the woman starts to own her she cries abuse. Again not courageous but cowardly.

I notice that the other two charges aren’t listed on there, could it be she may plead guilty to wearing a political uniform bravely capitulating like her beloved Fuhrer. And not answering to her bail conditions which she so bravely ripped up in front of a camera then found out she was in breach and defiantly pleaded not guilty to.

So the to the crux of the email. Not five, not seven and a ‘alf not even ten but can you focus a favour and give us fifteen faaaaaaasand paaaaaands because you are getting fucked off with us and fings are so expensive nowadays. I mean Screechy might have to get a job if you don’t.

The Email asks me if I ever knew of a more courageous woman. I’ll leave it up to you to decide but in all my years I’ve never known a bigger coward, and hopefully a jailed, humbled coward at that. I started off in EBF feeling rather sorry for Screechy but that has changed to almost, and I stress almost, a dislike.

So that’s it, I’ve come through this week I’m not sure about the divorce but as our legal fund is bare could you please send hobnobs, midget gems, pot noodles and Marmite to us just in case. We don’t like to ask but hey why not?

Toodlepip

A view from a barstool #37 by Landlord

Beer 2Well then here we are again, nights drawing in, central heating fired up, logs for the fire delivered and stored, Pimms back in the stockroom until either Wimbledon starts or someone remembers they like it (along with the babysham and Blue Nun I’ve forgotten about for years). And the biffers still twatwaffling on about things that happened years ago.

As we were reliably informed by biffer towers they’ve reached 1.5 million likes for their tawdry page on Facebook. “Bigger than any other political party” they say, proof that “Britain wants Britain First” Now not one to put a dampener on this lads but Britain doesn’t want you, there’s 40 odd million other Facebooking souls in the UK and as you quite like to say after the referendum the majority have spoken. Also they quite like to bandy the phrase “legitimate political party” about quite regularly but which other legitimate political party has no local council seats, no MP’s, no MEP’s, no mayors and have a conference in the back room of the Dog and Duck. In fact their argument has more holes in than their accounts.

Ah, says our pet troll, you only have 91000 likes you are just jealous. Well me ol’ mucker we aren’t. We don’t pay to promote our page, we don’t pay for likes or use clickbait. The admins and followers have been brought together because of the lies, bigotry and downright racism of the conmen and women that are Biffers. We, all of us, work bloody hard to expose them at every turn.

We also, don’t, when the cash cow that is their British followers catch onto their cons and won’t pay to stop Goldibollocks and Screechy having to get a job turn to bigots and racists across the Atlantic or the other side of the world to fund ol’ uncle Jim. In fact we are pretty sure that if uncle Jim could con money out of Russian communists there would be a “Red First”

bf-jayda-fransen-screechy-day-of-nonsense-in-telfordAway from this, Screechy’s court case is rapidly approaching. She wen’t  missing for a while (perhaps she was with Jimbo in Hungary) but our EBF satellite and drones eventually picked up her screeching voice in Telford. Maybe the signal didn’t reach to Hungary so we had to wait until she got back to her beloved Britain before we could detect her raucous tones. The truth is we don’t really care because as long as she feels the full force of the law next month we’ll be happy.

She and the Biffers can’t play their silly little games this time, no petulant ripping up of bail conditions, no sending their shittroopers to a town to stick two fingers up at the authorities… just silence. The reason, if all being fair, she could be spending time at her majesty’s pleasure, could be hearing the opening titles of Porridge (go on admit it you’re saying it now) and we and many, many others will be making virtual high fives all through the Britain she claims to love so much.

I hate to bang on about anything but one thing I must ask, please tell your families, mates, pets and neighbours. The Biffers and other scammers are due out again, trying to get you into parting with your money for Remembrance Day. Please make sure you only give to the RBL and don’t let the fucknuggets get any money intended for veterans.

Now back to the stockroom. I’m sure there’s a case of Lambrini there somewhere.

Toodlepip