A view from a barstool 26 by Landlord

Beer 2A week of mirth and watching the Biffers implode into themselves. Screechy and Goldibollocks have become more deranged and desperate each day as they delete memes about the victor in the Mayoral election to…

  1. a) make themselves look less like cry babies and
  2. b) as moley intimated, to stave off any possible litigation against them.

This week, with the warm weather I held an impromptu BBQ/housewarming party. Nazeer from next door and his wife and his kids came over, so to did  Purav, a Sikh from just down the road, a couple of bald headed, tattooed Englishmen and my mate with Jamaican roots. I managed to purloin some stock (well a lovely barrel of Champion Gold and ‘some Babycham for the Laydees’). You know what, we had a lovely time, brilliant conversation, great food, Halal of course prepared by Naz’s wife…I was making a pigs ear of it so she took over, well in fact told me to “bugger off, you’re useless just like my husband” (so much for the subservient sex in Islam).

The Landlady unfortunately found my expensive wine collection, £7 a pop instead of the £3.99, and everyone drifted home happy, no arguments, no conversion, and apart from a stinging hangover I still had my head. New friends for life. The main thing we agreed with was the joke that is Britain First and the EDL. Although I think at least one of them reads EBF and may have worked out my alter ego.(They will do now).

Now with the election done and dusted the new mayor is now in. What is next for the Biffers? Well they have started a recruitment campaign. For just £2 a month you to could join the ranks of the twats! A free newspaper and a membership card are both thrown in. Whoopee! Here’s my bank details Goldibollocks.

Our favourite biffer, he who loves Greggs, sent out a tearful battlecry to the other spunktrumpets of the far right to come together and fight the rising tide of Islam. Sorry Mr L, the EDL, Casuals, Infidels, NF, National Action and Pie and Mash hate you as much as they hate each other. The chances of any of you uniting really is very, very slim. Even if you did, what would you get on the ground for marches? 200 tops!

Two different marches last week showed just how much the far right is supported. 20 in Portsmouth and 24 in Burton for “massive” days of action proves they really just have a social media presence and not enough on the street to fill a coach!

What’s next for the biffers? Some more mosque invasions, Halal slaughterhouse invasions, cowardly attacks on people on bail. This now “mainstream political party” will probably find something to do and we will be there, with your support to debunk, harass, shout shouty things at their demo’s and report posts to various bodies (although facebook is a bit of a longshot).

Now you’ll have to excuse me, Naz and Purav have invited me to another evening out, I might get out of it alive or at least with another hangover.

Landlord

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