A view from a barstool #18


Landlord in cellarHere we go again then, this time hidden away in the crisp and soft drink store. I just hope the barmaid doesn’t come in looking to restock as my chuckles have been quite loud this week. Fortunately with Hulk taking a few days out we didn’t have to call in the UN peace keepers for the continuing ruck between our green friend and Tank Girl arguing over the milk chocolate hobnobs. Prole and Kit no longer sit in the corner shaking in fear or rage (or was that uncontrollable giggling) and Mama has been found safe and well in the cleaning cupboard. Yifter and Ant have finished the decorating but the Dulux matching machine spewed out Biffer green instead of purple. As for me I put in 2 days appearance in the office (felt like a week) the rest was mole hunting (no really they have had the pub garden up.) and reading the page to give me some idea of what to write this week.

BF Dewsbury speeches Jim Dowson sermonFirstly the twelvty hundred million patriots who turned up in Dewsbury to march against something that really isn’t happening. Screechy, Goldibollocks and Uncle Jim were there so the reported 90-120 people who bothered to go would have heard the usual tosh that screechy normally turns out. I won’t go through it, the heavily edited video on Biffer Central shows it as no protesters were allowed near the cockwombles’ shuffle. They shouted their slogans again. No one heard them or took much notice and even though Goldibollocks said they would bring it against the Police orders, no No More Mosques banner was seen. Could it be that:

a) They are cowards, after telling their sheep they would;
b) They are cowards, after telling us that the Police couldn’t stop them or;
c) They are cowards.

The excuses for non attendance at this shambolic rally were even better. Not only had Northern Rail conspired against them and made all trains with any fucknuggets on them go straight past Dewsbury without stopping (easily debunked as an enquiry on Friday tells us that all trains that were supposed to stop stopped) and police stopped another million coming up by issuing section 35 orders. This meant that at least a million of their followers couldn’t make it. I did check the flights from the USA, Australia, India and Pakistan. Apart from a delay from Karachi all flights got in on or around the times stated. There also, so they told us, weren’t any activists arrested. Apart from our reports that 4 people were arrested for racially aggravated offences! I’ll leave that up to you to decide whether they were biffers or not.

EBF BF Dewsbury Dover competition lie police Jayda

So the biffers had their march and then a “social” after. As a Landlord this angered me. I would never ever let these arses anywhere near a pub but hey there are always publicans after a quick buck or that support their cause. Anyway EBF’s mole sent us some pics from there along with their official photo’s and on there was an interesting chap. EBFblogger has written more on him yesterday so I’ll leave it to her to report that stuff.

The powers that be are pissed off at the Biffers. Luton Council, along with Christian groups have asked them not to return, ever. Beds Police have decided to do what they should have done months ago and started looking for evidence of breach of conditions and also seeking an injunction to keep them out. Why is it Goldibollocks and Screechy along with their shittroopers don’t seem to be asked back to towns and cities across Britain, well England actually, the Scots, Welsh and Irish wouldn’t put up with them. Could it be that no one apart from your Trump loving friends in the US, your Antipodean supporters and your bought likes actually want you or your horrible vile kind of racism. We, the Huff post and other pages will open our pages up to Beds police and let them look at stuff we haven’t published for a concerted effort to rid ourselves of these conmen.

Finally the head of Biffer intelligence issued a call to arms on Exposing Britain First (I would call it a Fatwa but that would annoy them more) as our perfectly placed mole sent some lovely screenshots. Apparently we are a vile disgusting page with no ethics but I’ll leave that up to you to decide. All I can really do is smile and wave at them.

So thats what I’ve learnt this week.Apart from the knuckledragging cockwombles being a waste of Halal oxygen I’ve also learnt my WIFI booster gives me 4 bars of connection in the crisp store, the Landlady is a lovely, tolerant and beautiful woman, my ale has been once again granted the Casque mark because it’s rather tasty and I’m bored of the office without Hulk.



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